Trying Not to Love You - Part Thirty Six

A/N Thanks for the comments guys, this is yet another chapter of Sonny and Martha cementing things, hope it's not too boring! Big things about to happen, promised!

Chapter Thirty Six

The kiss this time was leisurely, pleasurable, and for Sonny contained the confidence that she wasn’t about to rush away. Though when it did end, a natural conclusion, he cupped her cheek and smiled, “you sure about this?”

She gave a half laugh, “no! But I’m sick of running, tired of hiding.”

His grin was akin to that of a Cheshire cat and she couldn’t help but laugh, “shall we go home?” That was an extremely loaded question, they both knew that, but she nodded, taking his hand, and following him out into the street. As he closed the door and locked it, he smiled at her, “I’ll get it ready for opening, ok? This won’t eat into your time with Ethan.”

She smiled, “thanks.”

He squeezed her hand, “I want what you want.”

Nodding she let him lead her into the village. The route to the farm was short, along the high street, to the pub a few minutes’ walk, then the dark path that cut through the fields back to the house.  As they approached the pub James was throwing out the last of the patrons and as he saw them and waved, Martha pulled her hand free of Sonny’s, physically separating them.

                “Busy night?” He called out to them.

At the same time that Martha replied, “can’t complain, it’s good for business,”, Sonny hissed, “like you wouldn’t believe!” under his breath.

Martha heard it, but ignored it, instead exchanging pleasantries with James all the while her heart pounding frantically.

They’d passed the pub when James closed the door with a wave, and then Sonny turned to her.

                “I thought this was what you want?”

She sighed, “Carter.”

                “You snatched your hand away like you’d been burned, like you’re ashamed to be seen with me.”

She stopped and turned to him, hating the pain and anguish on his face, she’d really hurt him, “I...” she sighed, “this is between us isn’t it? Not anyone else, can’t we just keep it that way.”

                “I’m not embarrassed, I’m not ashamed, I want everyone to know.”

She reached up to touch his face, “I know you would, I know you don’t care what people think, and that’s not what this is about. I don’t want to spoil things, and I don’t want Scott to know. James’d be on the phone as soon as we passed, and this weekend isn’t about that, ok?”

                “You’re not ashamed?”

She shook her head, “every woman in town wants you Carter, that’s nothing for me to be ashamed of.”

He groaned, “I...”

She laughed, “that wasn’t me having a go at you. I’ve said we’ll try things, and I meant it. Ok?”

Sonny had had a lifetime of rejection, a lifetime of no one but the criminal underworld wanting him; would he ever believe that a woman like Martha would really want him? For as successful as he was with women it was always a means to an end, he appreciated women for what they gave him, stress free sex, he knew it sounded conceited, maybe even contrite, but it had always been an honest arrangement with all the women he slept with. But with Martha, with Martha suddenly he wanted more; he wanted the walks in the park, the trips to the cinema, romantic meals. Now for the first time he wanted it all.

Martha’s kiss, her hand protectively on his cheek made him sigh. He nodded, he had to understand that she was both more anxious than him more concerned about what people thought and did, but also that she had to think of her son, and the impact of things on him.

Linking hands once more they continued the trip to the farmhouse. The house was in darkness, and as they approached Martha hated the anxiety that mounted in her, the nausea, the worry, the fear. She wasn’t scared of him, but she was scared of how he made her feel, the way he’d cause her to lose control, to throw caution to the wind. She had spent the last five years controlling every single aspect of her life, now he was here threatening to upend everything, and whilst that scared her, it also thrilled her, the thought of him touching her again, those magical hands, lips, all teasing her to the heights of pleasure. He was definitely a drug, no matter how she interpreted it, this, him, she couldn’t turn her back on him, she needed this man, desperately.

She unlocked the door and entered the kitchen nervously, suddenly there was no going back, she knew where this was going.

Sonny’s hand appeared on her lower back, a hot touch that seemed to burn through her clothes. “Upstairs?” he breathed against her neck, forcing her further into the house. She turned to protest to stop him rushing her, but that backfired as he started to kiss her again.

Staggering towards the stairs, she once again tore at his jacket, his shirt; he gave chuckle and breathed “déjà vu” as he helped her throw his shirt and tie the same was as his suit jacket. As she started on the steps, backwards, Sonny squatted down and pulled off her heels, then as she climbed he pushed the hem of her dress up her thighs. On the upstairs landing, he unzipped her dress, dragged it over her arms to expose the black lacy bra that he’d only briefly seen earlier. They’d been in such a rush, things had been so furious that he’d not taken the time to do anything other than follow his hormonal surge, he had no intention of that happening again. He wanted this to be special rather than explosive; he wanted to show her the depth of his feelings.

At the door to her bedroom, he stopped, tore his lips from hers and smiled at her, his hand lifting to slide the hair from his eyes, “you are amazing.”

She sighed as his lips strayed to her neck, his spare hand pushing her dress over her hips, and it landed in a pool at her feet. Nudging her again, he drove her backwards until the mattress hit the back of her knees,  as they buckled under the pressure and she collapsed onto the bed, he took a moment to really appreciate her sprawled out on the mattress in the half-light. She was amazing, and as he moved to hover over her he told her in a hoarse voice.

Sonny couldn’t remember waking with a woman in his arms like this. But his watch showed him it was four am, they’d maybe been asleep an hour, and already the curve of her breast pushed up against his ribs, her small hand sitting that little bit too low on his stomach, and the silky hair spread across his shoulder were all lifting him to a place where he could barely control his desire. He remembered everything, before they’d succumbed to sleep they’d left no stone unturned. She’d told him that prior to their encounter a while ago she’d not been with a man since Oldbury’s attack, and he hated that they’d been rough, fast, furious on both occasions. So he’d made it his aim to create a new memory, and he’d taken ages to devour her, all of her, those full breasts that he’d longed to caress, the hard tips that he’d waited months to suckle ravenously, then he’d paid umbrage to her stomach, the indent of her navel, the curve of her hips, and those long elegant legs, he’d nibbled from ankle to thigh. When he’d finally heeded her yearnings and cravings she almost exploded at the first touch to her most sensitive parts, his fingers finding her hot, slick and so very ready for him, but he’d held off on the urge to bury himself in her once again, instead he used his mouth, his fingers and his eager tongue to drive her over the edge, and as she panted in relief, trying to regain her composure, he repeated it all over again.

Then he’d taken her, sliding into her slowly, steadily, savouring every moment, loving the luxury of being with her. Though that hadn’t lasted long, as she’d bitten her lip in restrained pleasure he’d been unable to control the lustful surge that caused, and with a hand between their bodies, teasing her, bringing her with him, they came together loud, large and life changing.

With a sigh, Sonny freed himself from her gently and made for the bathroom, there were certain ministrations that couldn’t wait, no matter how desirable she was.

Martha felt Sonny move and the mattress shift as he got out of bed. Opening her eyes she was rewarded with a flash of his bare backside as he moved out into the light of the hallway. With a gasp she slumped back against the pillows and sighed, he was perfect, in his looks, in his actions...she’d never felt so thoroughly worshipped.  And that was how she felt. He’d spent what seemed like hours teasing and tasting her body, all the while murmuring appreciation and compliments. Her body lurched at the memories, he knew what she wanted, what she needed, and delivered.

Finding a t-shirt she pulled it on and climbed out of bed, she needed a drink, and a moment to reflect on things.

She got as far as the kitchen when she heard Sonny thundering down the stairs behind her, and she was poised glass of water in hand watching the door when he burst in a look of anguish on his face.

He was completely naked, a glorious sight, and he stood there uncaring, “I thought you’d gone...”

She sighed, he was so unsure of her, “sorry.” She stepped towards him, “I needed a drink.” She slid a hand around his neck and pulled his lips down to hers, before murmuring, “you don’t think I could run away from you now?”

Sonny smiled at her, then she laughed as his eyes widened and she dropped down to her knees in front of him, “you don’t have to...”

Lifting her eyes up at him she mouthed, “I do,” seconds before taking him in her mouth, there in the middle of the kitchen.

It was much later when Sonny half sat, propped up against the pillows on her bed, Martha’s head on his chest, their legs entwined. He was stroking her hair and musing over what had been an unbelievable night.

                “You ok?” He asked, looking down at her face a mask of serenity, all her features were relaxed and her eyes closed.

She gave an almost indiscernible nod and her teeth snagging her bottom lip was the only sign that she wasn’t asleep. Lifting his hand he caressed her lip with his thumb, “you sure?”

She nodded again, “I just don’t want the night to end...I’ve got to go to London...but I want to stay here.”

He smiled placing his lips against the top of her head, “we’ve got every day after today, but this is Ethan’s day. I’ll drive you to London.”

                “We can’t all fit in Herman, and I’m not taking that decrepit Land Rover that far.”

Sonny chuckled, the sound echoing through his chest to Martha’s ear, “I arranged to borrow Paul’s car. He’s ok with that.”

She lifted her head to look up at him, “really? Thank you.”

He grinned, “it’s important to you, and if I’m driving then you focus on Ethan.”

His hand was running up and down her spine and Martha was finding it hard to concentrate, so instead she closed her eyes and wallowed in the pleasure of his touch. It was easier than thinking about Stephanie’s reaction when she told her she was bringing Ethan back, or her father’s when she told him Ethan existed.

Life was so complicated.

                “Shower?” he asked a little later, nuzzling her ear.

Martha looked at him and groaned, she wasn’t confident enough to be that exposed...not yet, would she ever be? Sonny was so confident, happy in his skin; it came from the fact that he didn’t care what anyone thought. She was different to that. She’d known him be with so many women, and they were all younger, slimmer and far more glamorous than her. She shook her head and he stooped to meet her eyes.

                “I’m sensing you’re hiding again Martha.” She shrugged awkwardly, and he added, “let me rephrase this. I want you in the shower with me...now.”

She felt heat fill her face, “I...”

He sensed her awkwardness and rolled over to lie on top of her. “I have kissed every inch of your beautifully perfect body; don’t think I won’t do it ALL over again.” He smiled an arrogant smile, then ordered her, “come on, shower, now.”

Martha’s mortification at being completely exposed and naked in front of him so brazenly soon faded when she realised what a shower with Sonny entailed, lots of slippery shower gel and bodies gave her yet another memory to add to what had been the most amazing night. She’d never feel the same again, she knew that. And despite everything, she insisted on disappearing to get dressed, she needed a little time to herself.

She was cooking breakfast when he finally emerged in dark jeans and a black long sleeve t-shirt. It clung to all the right bits, and as a woman who had savoured every bit of him, she took a new and perverse pleasure in knowing that he was all hers. Suddenly she was possessive.

                “Scrambled eggs and bacon?” she asked popping some bread into the toaster. He came across and grabbed her face, cradling it in her hand in an intimate gesture she now associated with him, and kissed her gently.

                “Second only to you, but it’ll do.”

He poured them both a coffee, then sitting at the table, watching her, he asked, “what time do you want to leave?”

She groaned, “I want to see him as soon as I can.”

But I don’t want to burst this bubble, he could finish the sentence for her, and as much as he knew that her seeing Ethan asap was the only option, it was rewarding to know that being him, not bursting this bubble was important to her too.

                “We’ll eat breakfast then hit the road, ok?”

Martha nodded, thinking how hard it was going to be finally telling her father that he had a grandson. It was going to break his heart...she was going to break his heart.