Trying Not to Love You - Part Fifty One

Chapter Fifty One

                “We’re going to see Aunty Stephanie today,” Martha told Ethan as they ate porridge together. Sonny had gone for an early morning run, largely because Ethan had found them in the early hours and settled himself in the double bed between them. Frustrated, he felt that pounding the roads might alleviate some of his unrequited sexual tension.

Martha wanted to speak to her father, sort out his issues once and for all, but he’d gone out early, thwarting those plans. So she had to head back to London without settling that and hoping that they would settle down between the two men. Before that she was going to try and see if she could introduce Ethan to his grandfather, in the list of priorities that was top, but he’d not returned her call.

As they were about to leave, Sonny returned from his run, hot sweaty, but still delicious in her eyes, after a sticky kiss, she made him promise to keep his cool and not react to her father.

                “I won’t start anything, I promise.”

That made her laugh, “and if he starts something, take it on the chin, walk away. Prove you’re not the volatile idiot they all think you are. I know you Carter, you’re a good man.” With that she gave him what amounted to a devastating kiss, then dashed off into the distance, leaving him to hold the fort. He was manning the restaurant for her that evening, and that was a priority.

Walking up the drive way to the imposing house, Martha couldn’t help but feel anxious. For years she’d avoided the place in fear, now that threat was different, this was a home where the son had been murdered. How was Michael coping with it?

Derek opened the door before they’d reached the steps, “come in Martha, and bring young Ethan too.”

They followed he man into the house, and into the library. Pausing at the doorway, Martha studied the room until she saw him sat in the corner.

                “Michael? Are you ok?”

The older man looked up and sighed, “I went to the mortuary earlier. I had to see him...”

She moved across the room and placed a hand supportively on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry, about everything.”

He turned to smile at her, “thank you. He wasn’t an easy son to love, but he was all I had. The world seems empty without him.”

She sighed, “I know what you mean, I thought things would be easy without him, but it feels awful.”

He gave an understanding smile, “and this is...”

They both looked down at Ethan who was bordering on feeling bored.

                “Michael this is Ethan, your grandson. Ethan this is...” She wanted Michael to decide what Ethan called him.

                “Your Gramp. How are you?”

He made to crouch down to be level with the boy, but instead Ethan launched both arms around his thighs and hugged him tightly. “Pleased to meet you Gramp.”

The smile on Michael’s face was genuine, and for Martha it was an emotional moment.

                “Shall I show you around the house?”

When Ethan nodded enthusiastically, Martha smiled, lowering herself into a chair,” you two go, I’ll wait here.”

                “You sure?”

Michael looked so desperate, so grateful, that she was glad that she’d made the suggestion. Ethan was such a good child; as long as she told him it was ok he was happy to go off with people who were strange to him. At this moment in time she was never more glad of that, he was hopefully the tonic that Michael needed.

Derek appeared five minutes later with a tray of coffee, “you’ve definitely cheered him up, he needed this.”

Martha smiled, “I can’t imagine how he feels. Where are they now?”

Derek smiled, “out in the garden, there’s a lot to see out there. “

                “Got a newspaper or anything? Have the feeling they’re going to be a while.”

Half an hour later they came back, both beaming, Ethan carrying a huge toy car.

                “Grampy said I can have this.”

Martha smiled, “that is amazing! But maybe we should leave it here as we’ve got to get the train, to London.”

                “You’re taking him away?” Michael sounded desperate.

She shook her head, “we just left in a rush, we need to go back and sort things.”

                “You’re coming back.”

Sighing Martha looked at the older man, “to be honest I never thought this would happen, I know that losing Scott has devastated, but that’s the reason we’re back.” When he nodded she added, “I have to decide what’s best for us, it’s not as simple when you’ve got to think of Ethan. All he knew until this week was London and my godmother.”

                “If there’s any way I can help?”

Smiling sadly she shook her head, “this is one time when money won’t give us the answers.”

Sonny was showered and ready to leave, he planned to give the house a wide berth all day, after all there was no saying that he could have a dignified conversation with Carl. He’d put his feelings out there, and to Sonny there wasn’t much going back. He’d fought the rejection all his life and now the man who’d started this, who’d made him believe that he was good enough to be a part of a family had snubbed him, told him that he was scum, that he didn’t deserve all that had been gifted him. He hadn’t asked for it, hadn’t wanted anyone to single him out, to make him feel that he was better than he was. And this was why.

The restaurant was fully booked that evening, and he and Martha hadn’t finished things there the night before, so he planned to get there tidy up, prepare for the evening, then spend the afternoon relaxing, at the bookies, maybe the pub. But before that he had a date with a large breakfast at the cafe in town.

                “Sonny.”

He’d made it as far as the kitchen door, was about to leave the farm with little intention of being there until Martha returned when the voice stopped him. Turning slowly he saw Carl stood in the doorway from the hallway, a serious expression on his face.

Sonny sighed, “I don’t want to argue with you Carl.”

The other man nodded, “I agree, but you have to see my side of things, surely?”

                “I love Martha Carl, there’s no other side to it, not really. Now I’m going to work. If you need anything call. Martha’s in London until the morning.”

He left him stood where he was in the room; he had no intention of getting into discussions with Carl now. He was missing Martha, she would help sort things out, she was right, without her he was volatile. He could feel his anger mounting at the thought that Carl presumed he could dictate the life of two adults.

Outside he could breathe again.

The cafe never failed to disappoint, it was like the hub of the town, so many secrets were revealed, gossip discussed and deals struck over mugs of often insipid tea and greasy breakfast. Today was no exception, though he presumed that he was the topic of conversation as it became eerily quiet when he walked in. He knew most people in town, he’d been there long enough, but was happy to sit alone, he wasn’t exactly great company.

                “Breakfast and coffee please Maggie.”

The middle aged woman nodded, “I’ll bring it over Sonny.”

Sat at a table in the back of the room, he picked up one of the newspapers that lay around the room and opened it, as usual heading for the racing pages first. He’d drunk half his coffee and circled a dozen ‘winners’ before his breakfast arrived, and at the same time the door opened and in walked a gang of girls, the central one being Jade.

He groaned, could the day get any worse?

They all ordered food very loudly, then deliberately sought out the table next to him, all brushing past him to sit down. When he lifted his head and rolled his eyes, Jade laughed, fluttering her eyelashes.

He was then subjected to fifteen minutes of giggling girls discussing their recent conquests in lurid detail. Sonny knew flirtation and bragging when he heard it, and he wasn’t impressed. Wolfing down his breakfast he folded the newspaper up and tucked it under his arm then left.

Five winners meant he had a back pocket full of notes when he made his way back to the farm. He had an hour before he had to open up, and he was in desperate need of a shower. He’d picked his suit up from the drycleaners; he could realistically be in and out in fifteen minutes, if he tried.

But he hadn’t figured on Lucy, he’d barely come out of the shower, and she was knocking his door, worrying at him. Eventually he had to take her to one side.

                “What’s wrong?”

She shrugged, “I’m just worried that you’ll let Carl boss you around. You’re a good man, and you’re good for Martha. Will you remember that?”

He nodded, “you make it sound like it’s my funeral or something.”

                “I may sound serious, but I know how Carl works, he’s not always the meek man we see. Just remember that, ok?”

                “I appreciate you running things.”

Carl’s voice once again caused him to pause in his tracks. Sonny turned slowly, “you pretending that you like me again Carl?”

Carl shifted awkwardly, “I just want to protect her, I can’t lose her again.”

                “And I told you, I love her. I don’t want to hurt her; to lose her...this is real for me.”

He rolled his eyes, “for now. You’re not the type to do forever, and Martha doesn’t do anything by half. What happens when you get bored? When you move on? You’re a rolling stone Sonny we all know that.”

That angered Sonny, “you think I’m in capable of sustaining a relationship?”

Carl laughed, “you managed it to date?”

His lips turned into a snarl, “YES. I’ve managed it here, with you. For what good that is.”

As he stormed out of the room he hated that he could feel tears prick the back of his eyes.

It had been a long day, Martha was shattered, but a huge part of her wanted to bundle Ethan into the car and return home, partly to see Sonny, to have him hold her, make things ok, and partly to make sure that he and her father hadn’t come to blows. Whilst Sonny would not la a finger on her father, she KNEW that, but words could be far more destructive, and that was what she feared.

She’d also upset Stephanie. This was a no win situation. Martha knew that she had to give home a chance; she owed it to Michael, her father and Ethan, that was without taking into account Sonny. She was so happy to think of spending more time with him, but knew she would have given him up if it was right for everyone else.

Now she had a very emotional Stephanie crying in the lounge. The older woman had been very good to her, there was no denying it. But Martha hated that she felt such guilt towards her. What else could she do? She wanted her family to be together; finally, surely that was what all this heartache had been leading to? She’d asked Stephanie to come with her, to move up to the farm for a while, but she was a social animal, her London life was something as essential as breathing. The fact that she’d have so much more time to herself without Martha was no consolation. When they left, and it wasn’t an if, it was a when, there was going to be a lot of tears, and even more guilt.

Sonny had locked up the restaurant, money in the safe, chairs up n tables, ready for the cleaner who’d be there early the next am. The Oak was closed, much to his disappointment, so was the local shop, so he’d brought a bottle of vodka from the restaurant to help him get to sleep.

He enjoyed the walk back to the farm, even though it was cold and he still didn’t have a winter coat. But the fresh air was exhilarating, since he’d given up cigarettes he’d started to appreciate the beauty of clean air. It wasn’t until he got within spitting distance of the farm that he heard a noise. Unable to decipher what it was in the dark, he started to move, as stealthily as he could in leather shoes and a suit, around the side of the house.

The light of the moon illuminated the front of the house, and there were two people, wrestling of sorts.

Sonny couldn’t see who they were, but they were rolling around in the mud. Reaching for one collar, it was only as he lifted one man free that he realised that Carl was the man lying flat on his back.

As he bent his head to check on the older man, the thug he’d pulled free escaped off into the darkness.

                “What happened?” He knelt down beside him, trying to help Carl to his feet.

                “You should have gone after him, got whoever it was.”

Sonny tugged him to sitting, “this is gratitude, is it? I‘m more concerned about you, despite everything.”

Carl rolled his eyes, the gesture visible even in the half-light.

                “What happened?”

With a tut Carl clambered to his feet, and brushed off the foliage that had become attached to him.     

                “Not sure, I was taking bags out to the bin, he jumped me.”

Sonny considered that for a moment, “you recognise him?”

Carl shook his head, “too quick and too dark.”

He helped him back to the house, the trauma of the assault meant that Carl was limping again; he hadn’t done that for weeks.

                “Come on; let’s clean you up before Martha finds out. She’ll kill me.”

Laughing Carl studied him for a moment, “she matters to you that much?”

Sonny nodded, “like you wouldn’t believe.”

Carl snubbed coffee and took a brandy from Sonny, who could tell he was more shaken up than he was willing to let on.

                “You can see why I’m resistant about Martha?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, “Carl I like you, you know that, I don’t blame you for not wanting someone like me dating her, but that aside I’m not willing to let her go, I can’t.”

Carl finished his brandy, “you hurt her I’ll come after you.”

As he left the room Sonny sighed, a truce of sorts. That was as good as it got.

“Are you sure you won’t come back with us?”

Stephanie shook her head as she watched Martha pack the bags that she could manage to fit, into the back seat of Herman, Ethan was already secured in his car seat and looked tired.

                “I wish you’d reconsider, will you at least come for Christmas? We can’t be in two places at once.”

It was mid November, she could feasibly visit before the end of December, but she intended to enrol Ethan at school, then there was integrating him into a new family.  Steph looked unconvinced, so she smiled, “you are really important to us. Please think about it?”

Stephanie wiped at a tear, “I’m not promising anything, but I’ll think about it.”

Her reluctance to visit her home seemed a little out of place, but there was nothing that she could do about it now. This was her life, and Ethan’s, she had to put him first.

Ethan was immediately engrossed in matters of the farm. Her father was increasing his duties, and when they got back there Ethan could see him up in one of the fields digging with Eamonn.

                “Can I go help?” Ethan asked in his usual persuasive way when Herman came to a stop in the yard.

                “Find your wellies then, it’s muddy up there.” With a whoop he rushed inside to find them. It gave Martha a moment to look up at her father with relief; Sonny had called her the previous night and told her about the assault. Typical that he wouldn’t see a doctor, look for help. But the news that her father wasn’t quite so frosty to Sonny and their fledgling relationship was a good thing.

When the men looked up she gave a wave, and their returning wave came grins as they spotted Ethan trying to run in his rubber boots over the uneven ground. Her father gave a thumbs up, he was safe with them, and she tuned to unload the car.

She’d barely emptied the boot and backseat of the car when a large black four-wheel drive pulled along the drive. Derek wound down the window and gave a half smile.

                “Michael wants to see you, wants to know if you’ll come back with me?”

                “Now?”

Derek nodded, “it’s important.”

Michael had never demanded anything of her; he wasn’t like that, this must be really important. She couldn’t think that it was a pleasant thing. “Ok, I’ll just let my Dad know where I’m going.”

                “Can you be quick?”