Trying Not to Love You - Part Thirty Nine

Chapter Thirty Nine

Martha never realised that Aunt Lucy could be so understanding. Once she recovered from her breakdown the two women, sat on a bench in the yard, Lucy’s arm around her shoulder.

                “Sonny told me, though I’m not exactly surprised.”

Martha looked up at her, “you’re not?”

Lucy shook her head, “that night, I only hear what other’s told me, but...you disappeared, it was months until we heard from you, and longer until we actually saw you again.” She stroked Martha’s head, “I wondered if he’d beaten you, hurt you...I don’t know, that you wouldn’t come back to us until you were recovered...But then you never came back, not really, and I wondered if you were hiding something, maybe a baby - it did enter my head, but I didn’t think realistically you could keep it from us.”

She looked up at her wise aunt and sighed, “it’s been hard.”

Lucy looked stern, “but it wasn’t just that, he hurt you too. I can tell. Why else would you be SO scared?”

                “Don’t tell Dad Aunty, I really don’t want him to know that. I only stayed away to protect Ethan, imagine if he knew about him.”

Lucy stroked her hair again, “he’s a lovely boy. You’ve done well.”

Giving a watery smile, she leaned on her shoulder, “I just hope Dad forgives me.”

                “He’s an emotional man Martha, he’ll be angry, upset, guilty, you name it, but he’ll come around, I know him.”

                “And you?”

She smiled, “I understand what fear does, you look more relaxed than I’ve seen you in years today. Either a weekend alone with our lodger was just what the doctor ordered,” Martha hid her face not wanting to even think of that at the moment. “Or coming clean has been quite cathartic.”

Instead of facing her aunt, she nodded into her shoulder.

Sonny was confused, Lucy had walked in and he’d told her, he had no qualms about explaining how there came to be a really cute boy in their lounge. What he didn’t expect was that boy to disappear into the lounge with Carl without so much as a word.

Turning he looked out the window, sat on the bench body shaking with anguish was Martha, Lucy comforting her.

Carl hadn’t understood, hadn’t realised all that she’d been through.  As he made to storm into the lounge to confront the man, he paused. He’d been angry himself when he found out, he’d wanted to punish her, it wasn’t until he thought about it, saw her side that he understood, really realised. And he’d only known her six months.

Instead of her father, he opened the back door, and stepped outside.  Martha looked up her face ravaged by tears, “you said he’d understand. You told me to do this.”

He held out his hands and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her, and Martha gave up the fight falling in to him.

Lucy stood and studied them for a moment, when she raised a questioning eyebrow; Sonny stopped whispering words of support and gave her a discreet shake of the head. With wide eyes, the wise woman headed into the house.

                “He’ll get it Martha, I promise.”

She looked up at him from her seat beside him, “you think?”

He nodded, “Look, I was angry and it’s nothing to do with me, so it’s logical that he’ll be disappointed, he’ll feel guilty, he’ll feel angry, but he loves you. You know that.”

She looked down at her hand, fingers entwined with his, and sighed, “I’m so tired, I can’t do anything more can I?”

He shook his head, “no, let’s go in, get some dinner and front it out, hey?”

Sonny slid a finger under her chin and tilted her face to look at his, “he’ll understand soon, I promise.”

When they got to the back door he dropped her hand, “I’m there, for you, ok?”

Sonny disappeared, she didn’t know where, but she started with food, she’d started to slow roast beef that morning, all she needed was the vegetables to go with it. Within twenty minutes everything was simmering comfortably, so she entered the lounge. Aunt Lucy was sat in the far corner and gave Martha a conspiratorial wink, her father was on the floor engrossed in the huge toy farm set she’d had as a child. Ethan was beside him hanging on his every word as they talked about all the animals, what they ate, where they lived. They were both so perfect and natural together that it brought tears to her eyes.

                “Dad...Ethan...dinner will be ten minutes, will you go wash your hands darling.”

Ethan looked at her and groaned, “really?”

She nodded, “thank you.”

As she turned back to the kitchen her father whispered to Ethan, “I’ll help you, come on.”

Martha sighed, all she had wanted was for the two of them to get on, and they’d hit it off immediately, she had to be pleased with that.

The table was laid for five, her father in his usual place at the top, Ethan to his left, Lucy to his right, she was the other side of Ethan, opposite Sonny. Thankfully Ethan was a chatterbox, he’d taken immediately to Carl and Lucy, though he kept confusing her for his grandmother, which made both Sonny and Martha fight smiles.

With a meal in front of them all, Martha headed to the fridge and got out a bottle of wine and a carton of juice.

                “Would you rather a beer Dad?” She asked looking across to him.

He nodded without looking up from his meal, and the awkwardness was back. As she handed out the drinks, the other two adults both looked a cross between embarrassed and angry.

                “I like carrots!” Ethan announced spearing one with his fork, unaware of the tension around the table.

Sonny laughed at that, “really? You sure you’re really a kid?”

He nodded, “why?”

                “Cos no kid I know likes carrots.”

Ethan cocked his head to one side and stared at Sonny, “did you like carrots?”

Sonny paused for a moment, how did you tell a child that your abusive childhood didn’t stretch to hot food, let alone fresh vegetables?

                “Of course he did!” Martha answered for him, “that’s why he’s tall and strong!”

That gave Ethan food for thought and he was quiet for a while.

                “Do you want coffee anyone?”

Martha collected the dishes with the same silence coming from her father. Sonny was livid, the woman was like a bloody slave in the house and Carl and the cheek to carry on with this juvenile silent treatment, he had to say something, but was it his place? Before he had chance to reply, Lucy spoke.

                “Carl, don’t you think this has gone on long enough?”

He was stunned at the older woman getting involved, but then she’d surprised him a lot the last few weeks. “Hey squirt, shall we go see if we can see some ice-cream?” Offering a hand, he was relieved when the boy took it enthusiastically, and he led him out into the utility room to the huge freezer.

Martha looked at her father who in turn was staring at Lucy.

                “This is nothing to do with you Lucy.”

Lucy shook her head, “you think? What is wrong with you? Can’t you see the girl is devastated?”

He shook his head, “what a few tears make it all ok? Is that it?”

Again her aunt shook her head, “ok, not knowing about Ethan until now is awful, but ask yourself why. Ask yourself why Martha kept him a secret.”
Lucy stood and smiled at Martha, “I’m going to bingo darling. Stick with it, ok?” When she nodded, Lucy turned back to Carl. “The irony is Carl that I don’t think you can see past your role in all this. Get over yourself.”

As she walked out the room, Martha couldn’t help but stare, when did Aunt Lucy become so astute, so observant? She hadn’t thought it until that moment, but if he had any decent memory he’d remember how he scorned her, that her last conversation with him was derogatory, him believing the gossips. And yes, that was part of the reason why she had left quietly, back then she didn’t know where his allegiance lay. He didn’t want the rest to come out, she didn’t want him to know about the violence, the rape, he was her father, he didn’t need to know, and she’d hate it if he thought of that every time he looked at Ethan.

His head was down, he was focussing on his glass, and she was tired.

                “You may not believe it, but this has beaten me up, every single day. You may never forgive me, and I’ll live with that, all I want is you to know Ethan; it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’ll keep out of your way, but Ethan goes back tomorrow, I can’t risk...” she swallowed her anxiety. “Anyway, make the most of your time, yeah?”

Again he said nothing, so she loaded the dishwasher then followed the boys out to the utility room.

Sonny never spent a night in like this, especially not a Sunday, but there he was in the armchair, watching Antiques Roadshow, waiting for Carl to acknowledge him. But the older man had really shut down. Martha was reading a bedtime story to Ethan, and since they’d left the room Carl seemed a little more relaxed, but Sonny couldn’t let it go any further.

                “She deserves a break Carl.”

Carl lifted his eyes and glared at him, “when I need someone like you to give me advice, I’ll ask.”

Sonny laughed, “someone like me? We’re cut from the same cloth me and you.”

He shook his head, “Sonny you are one of life’s takers, opportunistic...what do you know about family and trust?”

Sonny leaned forward and spoke quietly, “what I know about trust is what you, and more importantly your daughter have taught me. And maybe I am a taker, but to be honest, I don't see you giving anything back to your daughter. She gave up her life to come here and run your business, she provides every meal, washes every dish and fills every cupboard with food. Without her we’d all be floundering.”

                “Without her you’d be living in the outhouse, a stranger!” He snapped.

Sonny shook his head, “you can say all you like to me, it’s water off a duck’s back. If it makes you feel better for treating your daughter like shit, then that’s a small price for me to pay. She is the best person I have ever met. Everything she does is for the greater good, she’s not selfish, she’s not impulsive, so ask yourself the question, why would she keep him a secret? What benefit was there to her if it was purely an indulgent selfish thing?”

                “This is nothing to do with you!” Carl continued to snap.

                “But it is.” They both looked up to see Lucy at the door to the kitchen. “Sonny helped convince her that she needed to tell you. He’s been a great friend to her, and I know that he cares for her. So don’t be little the boy like that.”

Sonny smiled at Lucy who mouthed, “Bingo was cancelled,” to him.

Lucy turned back to Carl then carried on, “she is more scared of what Scott Oldbury can do to her and Ethan that she is devastated that you aren’t part of his life. Can you imagine the conflict she went through on a daily basis?”

Sonny watched Carl, he was angry, but there was so much more to this, and Lucy wasn’t letting up.

                “She did what she thought was right, I can see it, Sonny can see it...it just leaves her own father.”

Still he said nothing, until he looked up.

                “Did he hurt her?” That was directed at Sonny, who had no option but to nod. Yes, that was putting it mildly. But he was rewarded with tears appearing in the older man’s eyes.

Carl looked at Lucy, “you are right. I shouted at her, blamed her...I sent her away, didn’t I?”

That was news to Sonny, and as he was trying to digest Carl’s role in everything, Martha spoke.

                “I don’t blame you Dad. I can see why you were angry...but after Scott found me.” She bit her lip for a moment, “I didn’t want you to know what he did, I didn’t want you to confront him, I couldn’t let him hurt you too. It was a long time until I realised I was pregnant, the bruises had healed, but I was too scared to come back. And then once Ethan was born, once time elapsed it was easier to keep him quiet. I never want Scott to find out, don’t you see that?”

                “If I hadn’t blamed you, accused you of embarrassing me...”

Martha laughed, “none of this is your fault.”

That was how generous she was Sonny thought as she watched him hug her father, give him her support...again.

He turned to Lucy, “Luce, fancy a stroll to the Oak? I’ll get you a couple of sherries? Beat you at darts?” He knew that father and daughter needed to work things out, alone.

Inclining her head, clearly flattered, she nodded, “that would be a brilliant idea Mr Carter.”