Trying Not to Love You - Part Thirty Seven

Chapter Thirty Seven

The drive to London was pleasurable, Sonny was a good driver and it meant that Martha could slump in the passenger seat and relax, it was so long since anyone had done something from her, that she was both surprised and relieved to pass responsibility onwards.

                “Are you nervous?” He glanced at her then grimaced as she nodded.

                “You were right; I should have told Dad a long time ago...he’s going to hate me.”

Sonny sighed, his hand moving to her thigh, “he’ll be upset, but he’ll understand. It may take a little time, but how can he resist Ethan?”

She sighed, “doesn’t mean he’ll understand, I did what I thought was right.”

Squeezing her thigh gently, he nodded, “he’ll know that. Honestly.”

He hated her sadness, but there was no way of making this better, not really, because he had no idea exactly how Carl Mansell was going to take this news.

He wondered if she’d fallen asleep as she was quiet for a little while with her eyes closed. She deserved it; they’d barely closed their eyes all night. With a smile he relived that time together with relish, he loved her and the last twenty four hours were the greatest of his life. He tried not to think of the forthcoming week, of Oldbury’s date with destiny. He wanted it over, because then he and Martha could really rethink things, plan for the future. He laughed; having a future was something he’d never considered. Martha opened SO many doors for him.

                “Do you think he’ll cope? Ethan?”

Sonny glanced at her and smiled, “what discovering a grandfather who will spoil him rotten? Like that sounds hard!”

Martha could sense his sadness at that; he didn’t have anyone waiting in the wings. “You never had that?”

Sonny sighed, “what a grandparent? I barely had a parent.”

                “Tell me about it?”

He was silent for a while, a few miles passed before he offered, “I brought myself up, my mother was a basket case, literally. I suppose it wasn’t her fault she had mental health problems, but it wasn’t mine either. I rewrote the term ‘latch-key kid’, we rarely had food, and she’d be in the depths of despair, then she’d recover and she’d be out twenty four-seven, and then there’d be other reasons for me starving.”

He sighed, then turned to her, “she out men first when she wasn’t in a vegetative state, but then I was an inconvenience. Then I realised that she hadn’t moved for a few days, but it was another couple of days before I knocked my neighbour’s door...then she was buried, and I went into care...from the frying pan into the fire.” He glanced at her, “but then at least in the home I got fed. Which was a step up from my darling mother.”

It was Martha’s turn to reach out and place a hand on his thigh, “no one deserves that, you were just a little boy.”

He laughed, “didn’t really have a childhood Martha, not everyone does.”

She hated that, “but there must have been some good times?”

He shook his head, “I’m not inundated with happy memories, other than Michelle, but then you’ve already expressed your disgust at that!”

She smiled, the walls were coming down again, and she hated that he had so much baggage that he locked away, but that little insight into his mother, his childhood, whilst saddening her, made her understand him a little better, that was such a breakthrough.

As they hit the outskirts of London things got a little more fraught, traffic was heavy, and Martha needed to direct him to the house, Sonny was more familiar with East London than the exclusive Knightsbridge address.

                “Wait here a minute.” She suggested when they arrived finally. “I haven’t explained anything to Steph, I don’t want to march in with you and intimidate her.”

He shrugged, leaning against the bonnet of the car, then watched her climb the stairs to the front door.

Stephanie was in the window and Martha knew she’d seen Sonny; she needed to smooth the way. Opening the door she was swamped by Ethan.

                “MUM!” He buried himself into her embrace as she scooped him up into his hands.

                “You ok squirt?” she asked hugging him back like her life depended on it. He nodded but was distracted by the sight in the street behind.

                “Is that Sonny?”

She nodded, “do you want to go and say hello?” He nodded and ran down the steps, leaving Martha to turn and face Steph. “Hi!”

She gave her a hug, but the older woman looked angry, “what’s going on? Why is he here?”

Taking a deep breath, Martha tried to smile, “I’m taking Ethan to the farm, I want him to meet Dad.”

Stephanie flinched at that, “it’s not safe.”

Martha sighed, “I can’t cope with the double life anymore. I’ll keep him hidden away; he’ll be with us one night.”

                “I don’t think you should do this.”

The stern tone made Martha flinch, she’d only ever seen support and generosity in the eyes of her godmother, but there was anger there today. “I have to.”

The older woman shook her head, “you turn up here with that jailbird and want to expose Ethan to what? Crime?”

Prejudging again, would anyone ever see past Sonny’s history? “He’s a nice guy and he’s helping me out, so please don’t shout at me.”

                “So what I don’t get a say? I don’t get to decide what happens to Ethan? I care for him fulltime.”

Martha stepped back, hurt, “Steph, you have helped me no end, and I want to take that burden off you. This is part of that.”

                “It’s just more of you being selfish!” She snapped.

Martha moved for the door, “I just want to do right by Ethan, and he deserves to meet his grandfather...I’m sorry you don’t see that.”

Steph made to reply, but Martha was out of the door and heading down the steps to where Sonny was stood, Ethan on his shoulders.

                “Not good.” She mouthed, “I’m just going to grab a few things for him.”

Sonny could tell she was upset as she disappeared down to the basement entrance to her flat, then looking up he saw a woman he presumed to be Stephanie glowering in the window. Groaning in frustration that there was even more emotional baggage for Martha, he lifted down Ethan and helped him into the car seat that was conveniently in the back. Paul’s daughter was apparently a similar age to Ethan.

They were both waiting patiently when Martha emerged with a bag.

                “Go and speak to her again.” Sonny offered, “she’s obviously hurt. Give her a moment to get used to you taking him?”

She lifted an eyebrow, “wise words? Counselling? Your talents know no boundaries!”

He sighed, sitting back in the seat, “I know my strengths Miss Mansell, and I think you’ve discovered them recently!”

The ambiguous statement made her blush; he did have talent...a LOT of talent. With a sigh she jogged back up to the house and knocked the door.

Stephanie was moving from her view point at the window, towards the kitchen.

                “Steph, I don’t want things to be bad between us.”

The older woman turned around, “I’ve put everything on hold for you...not that I’m complaining, I love Ethan, you know that. But now, that man...he’s been around for five minutes and he’s telling you what to do.”

Martha shook her head, “I should have told you my plans,” she sighed, “I think I knew I’d upset you, so I avoided it. I’m sorry.” When Stephanie offered a half smile, she added, “but none of this was Sonny’s idea. He is just a really good friend. He told me to come back in here, to not leave on an argument. You’re wrong about him.”

Stephanie shrugged, “it seems to me since he turned up here last week everything has changed, are you saying the two things are a coincidence.”

No they weren’t, Martha knew that it had been Sonny’s disgust and anger, but also his acceptance that made her realise that Ethan had been a secret for too long. But it was her decision; she was the one who did this, the one who’d started the ball rolling. Not Sonny. He would have supported her equally strongly if she’d never wanted her father to meet Ethan. Because he loved her. Her heart swelled at that.

                “I make my own decisions Steph, and I’m really sorry that I hurt you, that again was my fault entirely. I was planning to bring Ethan back...but if you rather that I didn’t...”

Stephanie blinked to hide her tears and it was then that Martha realised how much her godmother loved her son. Pulling her into a hug she offered, “do you want to come with us?”

That led to a short sharp headshake, “no, but of course I want you to bring him home, because this is his home.”

                “Of course it is.”

She was quiet for the first half an hour of the journey, but then Ethan was a chatterbox and Sonny was glad to talk to him until they finally hit the motorway out of town. But a glance in his rear view mirror revealed the reason for the sudden quiet from the back seat.

                “He’s asleep,” Sonny offered, glancing at Martha. “You going to tell me what happened in there?”

Martha turned her head to look at him, defeated, tired, “she’s gutted that I’m taking Ethan away, she’s looked after him for almost six months, and I wander in and take him away.”

Sonny sighed, “he’s your son.”

                “And she’s put EVERYTHING on hold to look after him. I feel like such a bitch, and now I’ve got to tell my Dad and Lucy...” She groaned, “it’s all such a mess. I hate this.”

He reached across and took her hand, pulling it up to his lips, after a gentle kiss he smiled, his eyes still on the road, “you only ever do the right thing by everyone. I’ve never known anyone care for people as much as you do, you give up everything to help everyone. And you ask for nothing back.” He glanced at her again, briefly deviating his eyes from the road ahead, “I’ve never known anyone like you. Usually everything is a bargain, there’s a payment for every favour, but not with you. Your father will understand, he’ll be upset, he’ll be gutted to have missed out on Ethan until now, but he won’t hate you. I promise.”

Martha wasn’t convinced, but there was nothing she could do.

Ethan woke as they entered the village and Martha explained what everything was, the school, the pub, the restaurant. He looked around keenly, loving being in a new place, and asking questions excitedly.

When they pulled up the driveway to the farm, the house in the distance, the fields of animals flanking the lane, Ethan’s eyes were wide with wonder. He’d never lived outside of central London, and Stephanie wouldn’t tolerate as much as a hamster as a pet.

                “Are they yours?”

Martha smiled, “well your Granddad has some dogs, cats and some horses, but then there are the chickens, and the goats...the other animals live here, but belong to other people, but we can still go and see them.”

His reply of, “Wow!” made them both laugh. No sooner had Sonny pulled the car to a stop and Ethan was out and running around like an idiot. 

Sonny came around the car and tugged Martha close, “I’m going to take the car back to Paul, maybe put on a bet, call in the Oak...”

                “You running away Carter?” She asked as he looked down at her smiling.

                “Nope, just giving you and Ethan time to settle in, show him around.”

                “You’re so considerate.”

At that he laughed, “you reckon? Cos the thoughts I’m having now are anything but considerate.”

                “Carter!” She swatted at his arm and then was engulfed by his lips seeking hers.

The passion was so immediate, so electrifying that it was a while before they both realised that he had her plastered against the side of the car, bodies obscenely entwined, and Ethan was calling from the side of one of the barns.

                “Oops!” he breathed as he rested his forehead against hers, “you have this ridiculous effect on me.”

As he stepped free of her and straightened her clothes, she added, “me too.”