Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Eight

Chapter Ninety Eight

 

Michael smiled as Ethan climbed the huge tree in his garden, there were signs that Scott had probably climbed it as a child, maybe even Michael himself, there were weathered and worn footholds that looked as though they’d been purposely moulded into the bark.

                “He’s like a monkey, so nimble!”

Martha chuckled from her position behind him watching Ethan run around the garden from the safety of the huge glass windows of the dining room.

                “I think it’s because they have no fear.” She looked up at Michael, “he doesn’t believe that he can fall, therefore he doesn’t.”

He laughed at that, “life is so much easier before you reach double figures.”

The awkward paused between them that followed needed to be broken, “sorry Michael, Sonny still isn’t discussing anything with me, he’s hurt...and defensive.”

Michael sighed, “I can’t blame him, we were just starting to make some headway, he was just starting to trust me...he’s a long way from liking me, but...then that cow...”

                “You were talking to her, that was how he found out?” She prompted him, wanting to know what happened herself.

Michael sighed and looked to the ceiling for a moment, “I didn’t know...I wasn’t involved...not like he thinks. Do you believe that?”

She looked at the man and smiled, “I have no reason to think you’d lie. You never have up to now.” And that was the truth, when she contacted him to say she was pregnant five years ago, he’d stuck by her, no questions, no doubts, and other than the way he reacted after losing his son, he’d never done anything more than support her. She really had no reason to think that he’d lie. Not to her.

                “She called me. About a week after they left. Crying. She told me that she needed money, that Sonny was struggling to make ends meet. I was meeting him most weeks for lunch or a few drinks, I knew he wanted his independence and would never take help from me. She was a different case. She asked for money first of all. I of course ignored her. But then she started to threaten to take him away. Apparently she’s got relatives up North, and she tried to blackmail me, I’d lose Sonny if I didn’t.”

                “So you gave her money.” Martha could see how broken the man was, he didn’t want to lose his son, not so soon after finding him.

He nodded, “it was the wrong thing to do as then she started to blackmail me, she’d tell him I’d given her money.” He sighed, “then one day, I met her in London and I overheard her say something, and it was then I realised that she wasn’t pregnant. She denied it, but I turned up at the flat that day to make her listen, make her tell him the truth.”

Martha groaned, “and instead he walked in and heard you confront her as conspiring with her.”

                “It’d be funny if wasn’t so hard.”

Crossing the room she placed a hand on his arm, “he’s not unreasonable, he’ll understand. He just buries his head in the sand when he gets hurt. If he hadn’t grown to care about you he wouldn’t be avoiding you. I will keep working on him, ok?”

Michael smiled, “I just take heart in the fact that I see my grandson, you do more than enough for me.”

They ate dinner in the conservatory overlooking the river and Martha watched with pleasure as the two interacted so happily. But all too soon they had to leave and go back to their home there was still so much to sort out, and Sonny’s stubbornness over his father wasn’t helping.

                “It’s my birthday next week!” Ethan announced as they finally made for the front door.

Michael nodded, “so I hear, someone tells me you’re going to be five years old.”

Ethan grinned then gave a firm nod of the head, “will you come to my party?”

                “It’s going to be at the pub, I haven’t fully organised it, but you will come?” Michael looked nervous and she added quickly, “that wasn’t a question. You WILL be there; I don’t care what your stubborn son says. Ok?”

Michael looked at her in a shocked way, but she just laughed then waved as she buckled Ethan in to the front seat of Herman.

                “Can we go see Sonny? I missed him last night.”

Martha rolled her eyes but could hardly refuse, she’d turned up earlier before heading to Michael’s but he was ‘busy’ in the cellar so they didn’t see him. His avoidance of both the truth and his father was making her increasingly angry, but she didn’t want to unleash that wrath in front of Ethan...or the unaware patrons of the pub. “Of course darling, it’ll probably be busy, hopefully Sonny will be home for tea.”

She pulled up at the restaurant, then with their hands linked he skipped alongside her to the pub. As was usual he ran across the room to the bar and slipped through the hatch that took him behind the bar. Sonny who was serving someone immediately squatted to hug him, then lifted him on one hip as he completed the order.

                “So squirt, you ok?”

He nodded enthusiastically, “been climbing trees at my granddad’s, was fun, but I didn’t like dinner!” He added in a theatrical whisper.

Martha rolled her eyes at that, and Sonny laughing met her gaze, “you ok?”

She nodded, “good. You?”

He shrugged then found Ethan a chocolate bar from the fridge. The two disappeared so Martha slipped off her coat and dumped it and her bag behind the bar. She’d served half a dozen customers when the two males returned, Ethan carrying a huge bouquet of flowers.

                “These are for you Mum,” he offered with a smile.

She grinned back as she took them, then lifted her eyes to Sonny, the guilt on his face was so obvious, and if he thought flowers were going to make up for his avoidance tactics, the way he was becoming emotionally inept, then he had another thing coming, but, she did like flowers, so she smiled genially, then mouthed, “nowhere near enough”, before taking Ethan’s hand. “Come on darling, time to go home. We’ve got to get you ready for school tomorrow.”

Then they both left.

Sonny felt his hands grip into fists involuntarily, that woman was the only person in the world to illicit that sort of reaction in him. He knew what this was about, he wasn’t stupid, but as time passed, the longer he was back in town the more desperate Martha was for him to reconcile with his father. He shook his head, Michael. He wasn’t thinking of him as anything more than that, not again, never again. ‘And why is that?’ a Martha sounding voice echoed in his head.

Because he started to care...that was what it was. He started to trust someone. And as with the past, they had immediately let him down. He didn’t care why Michael was at the flat that day with Jade, or what role he played in everything. They’d spoken earlier that day and he hadn’t said a word, hadn’t dropped a hint that his old world was based on lies. That was what had annoyed him. Shaking his head he knew that wasn’t it, not entirely. He’d pushed Martha away more times than he cared to remember, but he’d welcomed her back, trusted her again after she’d destroyed his confidence in her. So what was he waiting for with Michael? And suddenly he knew. He needed Michael to come to him, to show him that he was worth it.

Shaking his head he felt sick, when did he become so childish and so needy? His bastard pride was once again trying to ruin his life, it had happened once too often.

It was after midnight when Martha heard the door open. She was curled up on the sofa under a blanket reading her new book, a thriller than she knew she’d struggle to put down when sleep beckoned, and looked up to see him slinking in through the door, his eyes dark and his face pale.

                “You ok?”

He shrugged as he took his coat off, “fine.” Walking to the sideboard he pulled out a bottle of vodka and tipped some into a glass, she chugged a large portion of it.

                “Carter...” she slid her legs to the floor and stood up.  “Where have you been?”

Shrugging again, he refilled the glass, then turned to look at her, “a couple of the guys stayed for a drink and a game of poker.”

                “You win?”

Nodding he drank again, “fifty quid up. Small stake.”

                “Why are you avoiding me? Hating me?”

He groaned, “I don’t hate you, but you are pushing me into a corner, and I want to scream! I want to run away. I do everything you want, I’ve stopped smoking, I eat salad, I run a business, I came HOME. For you! But it’s not enough, is it?”

Martha sighed, “I don’t give a shit whether you speak to Michael or not, not really. But I care that it affects us, that it will affect Ethan, and that it makes you angry, even now!”

He shook his head, “it’s not that that makes me angry!”

Rolling her eyes she bookmarked her page and stuck the novel under her arm, “in six days time you are hosting my son’s fifth birthday party at the pub, and his grandfather WILL be there, both of them. So I guess you won’t be angry at any of that.”

She was curled up under the duvet when the bedroom door opened, and then the mattress dented beside her. As two arms encircled her, pulling her into his hard chest, she softened, allowed it to happen, despite the argument she didn’t want to push him away, and as his lips found her neck she sighed, she couldn’t resist him, didn’t want to.

Four days later Ethan had gone to Paul’s straight from school and Martha was busy packing his gifts. He was having SO much, but then this was a special day for her little man, previous birthdays had seen him celebrating with just her and Stephanie. This year he had his Aunt, his grandfathers, his new school friends, Jack and Mike were bringing Evie from London too. It was going to be a full house.

Fortunately the forecast was for sunshine, so the plan for a bouncy castle in the garden was still viable, and she’d found an entertainer, party games, balloon animals. All perfect she hoped. Though she also realised that she was far more stressed than she should be. And a part of that was what would happen when Sonny finally saw Michael. She wasn’t worried about him making a scene, Sonny wasn’t like that, but it was what it would do to him.

With the final parcel wrapped, she placed them all in her wardrobe. It was then her phone bleeped.

Aunt Lucy...who had suddenly discovered how to text.

                ‘I’m staying in Harrogate. Henry has booked a hotel. I’ll be back Saturday for the party.’

She smiled, Martha was so happy that her Aunt was finally having fun, she lived a very social life, but it was so nice that she finally had someone to care for her, no one deserved it more.

                ‘Dirty Stop Out! Only kidding. Have a great time, don’t worry about us. See you Saturday!’

The next text was from Paul.

                ‘Can Ethan have a sleep over? They’re all in bed watching a movie. It’s no problem. Maybe you could have a night out?’

She sighed at that, abandoned by everyone! It was only five o’clock; there was plenty of time to plan her evening.

Walking into the bedroom she found the new top she’d bought on the weekend, her best glam jeans and the cowboy boots she knew Sonny had dreams about. Changing quickly, she spent twenty minute glamming up in the bathroom, then made for the pub. She’d barely seen him all week, they were always on opposite schedules and the last thing she wanted was things to deteriorate between them.

So she sauntered into the bar and was rewarded with a double take from her lover, his eyes wide, his smile appreciative, more than that. Then he nodded to Pam the other person working that night and stalked across the room to her.

His arms wrapped around her, his lips found her, and they were all good, because as much as they argued, as much as they fought, they were both desperate for each other. That was their saving grace.

                “You look amazing,” he whispered into her hair ignoring the wolf whistles from the patrons present.

                “All dressed up and nowhere to go.” She offered the words with a seductive smile. “Ethan’s staying at Paul’s, Lucy’s up North...”

He grinned, “it’s quiet...I can take you out?”

She shook her head, “I’m going to sit at the bar here, and have a drink.”

He watched her move to the stool and slide onto it, then with a smile she turned to him,

                “A glass of wine please.”

Sonny rolled his eyes as he poured the drink, then as he handed it to her, she gave him a smile. “I’ve arranged for Robert to come in to work at eight, and there’s a table booked at Mumbai Massala for half past...then I’m thinking of all the time we can spend at home, together...alone.”

Sonny was grinning, “I sense a but...”

She leaned forward, “I want you to go speak to your father...” as he made to protest she held up a hand, “I’ve asked you, I’ve begged you, and I’ve even threatened you. But I’ve had no luck...”

He had the decency to look a little po-faced. So she continued, “so... I’m resorting to a little bribery...”

Sonny’s eyes widened, with a lust-filled grin he shook his head in wonder, “I’m always game for a little bribery.”

She gave a smile, then leaned forward so that her lips were close to his ear and no one else could hear, “You know that list of yours?”

His eyes lit up and he gave a mute nod, he instantly knew EXACTLY what list she was talking about, his dream night list.

It made her smile, “well everything on that dream list of yours...clothes, words...and actions, ALL yours, all for YOU. If you clear the air.”

As she pulled back she loved the look on his face, his eyes were glazed over, his mouth open, jaw slack, and for that split second he was floored. Then his lips curled up into a smile and his whole face lit up, “talk...to my father...” He could barely manage any more words. With another mute nod, he reached for his coat, then took the keys to Herman that she offered dangling from her index finger.

 At the door to the car park he looked back at her, “everything?”

She but her bottom lip and gave him her greatest seductive look then nodded, “EVERYthing.”

With those same wide eyes he ran out into the car park and out of view.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Seven

Chapter Ninety Seven

Martha closed the bedroom door behind her and sighed. That had been such a hard conversation. She had never seen Lucy cry, but the older woman was in tears as she told Martha how terrified she was.

                “I can’t see him; I was young when I last saw him...now I’m jaded, old...”

Martha had smiled, “he’s aged too. He was really keen to see you; he called me just this week. He told me he’s never stopped thinking about you.”

Lucy dropped her head, “I’m not who I was.”

Martha sat next to her, glad that she was finally talking to her, and suddenly realising how scared her aunt was, how anxious and fearful, fearful that he would reject her again, and Martha understood that, more than most, “it’s normal to be nervous, scared...I was scared going over Sonny, and he’d only been gone for a couple of months. It’s hard to put your heart on the line. That’s why you’ve never married Lucy, because that would involve letting that heart up for hurt again. You told me the other week that losing Henry almost killed you, that it changed you.” Lucy looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “I know how that feels. Why do you think I’ve pushed Sonny away so much? The last man before him...” She shuddered, “let’s just say I never thought I’d love again. But if you don’t try you’ll never know.”

Lucy stood and paced the room for a moment, “so you’re the expert now?”

Martha leaned back in the chair and smiled, “don’t make it about me here, but if you’re pointing fingers, then YES, I almost lost Sonny SO many times, and it took a short sharp reality to check to realise that I was pushing him away. Yes I was scared. I didn’t think I’d trust someone ever again.” She sighed, “but this isn’t about you falling into something with Henry, he’s man as haunted by the past as you. He wants to see you talk to you; tell you that he regretted leaving you. A lot of time has passed, he’s not proposing marriage, he just wants to see you.”

                “You think I should go.” It was a statement not a question and made Martha smile.

                “I think you should do what you want to do, but based on rational thought NOT fear.”

Lucy sighed, “I’m still angry you went behind my back.”

Martha nodded, “maybe it was easier to be distracted from my own torment by concentrating on you. So I’m sorry for that part of things, I really am. But not about getting you to confront what you feel about it.”

Lucy stared at her for a moment from hooded eyes, “I’m not all sweetness and smiles over this.”

She laughed, “Aunt Lucy, you are NEVER all sweetness and smiles!”

And the two had parted on that snippet of humour. Now as she stood looking at a sleeping Sonny, head on the pillow, dark lashes fanned over his cheeks, the hint of stubble on his jaw, her heart soared, whatever happened, whatever was said, she loved the man in her bed, and with him in her life she could deal with anything.

For the rest of the week they were all busy, Lucy wouldn’t make a decision on Henry, Sonny wouldn’t make a decision over Michael, so Martha buried herself in decorating the rooms at the pub. She couldn’t really work there until they lived there. So she had a huge incentive for her mission, plus as soon as they were living in the building, they would spend more time together generally, as a family. And that was what she wanted, more than anything.

Henry called her on Friday afternoon.

                “Will she meet me? I’m passing tomorrow.”

Martha sighed, “she’s scared...”

That made Henry laugh, “I know exactly how she feels...I was dapper, young...and I’m told handsome fifty years ago, but now I’m a pensioner. An old man. I have a balding head, a paunch; I need glasses to read the newspaper, and different ones to drive my car. I used to be athletic, but now I need a replacement knee. Old age isn’t kind. But that’s nothing that anyone can fight...or hide from. Will you tell her I promised...that when we were old and grey I’d take her somewhere? She’ll know where, and tell her I don’t want to lose out on that, a promise is a promise. Tell her that?”

Martha smiled at how sweet that was, “I will. I’ll call you once I’ve spoken to her.”

Lucy was doing the laundry, something Martha had never seen her do before. Leaning on the doorframe, she watched the older woman for a while, eventually she looked up.

                “What?”

Martha smiled, “just wishing that you had difficult decisions to make more often, I could take a few days off.” That was met by a scowl. “Made any decisions?”

Lucy shook her head, the scowl still in place, “what’s the rush? I have a lot to think about.” Martha gave a knowing nod. “What?”

Martha smiled, “he called me today. Will be near tomorrow. He really wants to meet you.”

Lucy shook her head, looking at the floor, “it’s too soon...I’m not ready.”

Placing a hand on her arm Martha sighed, “he said to tell you he made you a promise, for when you were both old...he wants to see you good on that.”

Lucy slumped down the wall, ending up on a heap on the floor. Martha rushed to squat beside her, but soon realised it was shock and not illness that had caused her legs to give way. Looking up she saw tears welling in the eyes of her aunt. “He said that?” she asked with a quiet, shaky voice. “Really?”

Martha nodded, “said to tell you he hadn’t forgotten.”

She dropped her eyes for a moment, then when she looked up she seemed to have glazed over, disappeared into the past. “My father hated the thought of us being together. We managed to see each other a lot, but it was all based on lies. We planned to run away, but I was too scared.” She laughed in a self deprecating way, “there was a festival in town, everyone was there, stalls, rides...we sat in the dark holding hands watching everyone being happy. But we were hiding. Henry squeezed my hand and said he’d show everyone one day, that he’d make me feel proud. When we were older, happy, settled, whatever happened, he’d take me back to town, buy me lunch, somewhere public, then order champagne in the pub, as we drank it he was going to stand on his chair and tell EVERYONE how wonderful I was.” She laughed, “it doesn’t sound dramatic now, but back then, it was so extravagant, so ‘out there’, and it was perfect. I wanted that so badly...then I backed out, got scared...let him go.”

Martha smiled, “he wants to see you, more than anything. Don’t reject him again, don’t get scared this time. Please?”

Martha stood behind the bar next to Sonny, his hand at the small of his back warm and supportive. He was talking to Eamonn who’d called into discuss an upcoming poker game. But even through that he sensed Martha’s tension.

                “She’s a big girl!” He leaned to whisper in her ear, his words a caress to her heightened nerves. “You need to relax ‘Mum’!”

She looked up at him, “she was so nervous...this failing could really hurt her.”

He nodded, “but if it works out, then this could change everything for her. She deserves some happiness, she’s lived a half life for years, this is her brave moment. Relax.”

Since she’d driven Lucy to the park where the two had arranged their rendezvous, she’d been on edge. She needed to know what was happening, and the suspense was killing her.

                “Do you want me to take an hour off? Take you home?”

He gave an eyebrow waggle as he said it and the innuendo made her smile, “Ethan will be home soon, so that offer is rather lame!”

Grinning he slid his hand down to cup her bottom, then gave it a squeeze, “but he’s staying with your Dad tonight?”

She nodded, “and I’m helping you out behind this here bar.”

Sonny leaned in close again and whispered, “who knows when I’ll need help changing a barrel.”

Three hours later with Ethan dispatched off to her father’s for a sleep over, there was still no sign of Lucy. Martha was worried, hoping that all had gone well. Suddenly she’d trusted her aunt with a man she herself had connected to via the internet. He could be a convicted murderer masquerading as a friendly pensioner. Then she shook herself, her aunt was in her seventies, she was responsible for her own actions.

And then the crowds started to flood in, there was a big football match on TV, plus it was a warm late March evening, and that seemed to encourage people out for a pre Easter drink. Being busy didn’t give her that much time to think.

As with the restaurant, they worked well together, and whilst it was busy, they had time to chat, catch little glimpses, share those moments when their eyes met and everyone else was oblivious. It was after ten when the door to the pub opened and Lucy stepped in, accompanied by Henry. When she’d first met him Martha had thought that he seemed older than Lucy, a little traditional, old fashioned maybe. But tonight he was wearing jeans and a pale sweater, and he looked much younger, and the two of them looked happy, united, friendly. As they approached the bar she nudged Sonny.

He looked up and grinned, “well if isn’t the dirty stop out! Where the hell have you been young lady?” Despite the chastising nature of his words, he was grinning at the couple. “Sonny Carter.” He held out his hand to Henry, who accepted it. “The official bane of Lucy’s life, hey?”

Henry laughed, “Henry Walton. I have heard a lot about you.”

Sonny waved a hand, “that I do not need to hear. Now let me get you both a drink.”

Martha leaned across the bar to her aunt, “you ok?”

For the first time since she walked into the bar, she smiled, “better than. I’ve had such a wonderful day of catching up, reminiscing. He’s...just the same!”

Smiling Martha squeezed her hands, “I’m SO glad. Now go sit down, I’ll bring your drinks over.”

                “Let’s go to Northfield, a few drinks, a dance...maybe a curry? Let’s have some fun.”

She eyed the smiling Sonny suspiciously, “what?”

They’d just finished locking up the bar, normally he restocked ready for the morning, but tonight he wanted to take his lady out.

                “As much as I like spending time with you...it’s almost midnight.”

He held his hands up in surrender, “ok, ok. I want to take you dancing...more than anything, but the added bonus is we’re not rushing back to the flat...Henry is staying over, as they’ve had a few drinks. He’s sleeping in Ethan’s bed. Apparently.”

Martha stared at him aware that her mouth was open; her lips recoiled in what was that? Disgust?

                “Call a taxi, I’ll just find my bag.”

He was still laughing when she reappeared five minutes later.

They had danced, drank champagne like weekend millionaires, then hid down a dark alleyway, where Sonny made good on the promises he’d been making all evening. When they got back to the flat they were tipsy and tired, and the place was deadly quiet, but they’d had a wonderful carefree night. So they snuck into the bedroom, diving under the duvet to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Sonny woke first, Martha’s breath was a soft caress on his shoulder, he looked at her with a smile, there was something so rewarding about waking with her in the mornings, each time he opened his eyes his heart surged with pleasure at the sight of her.  He reached for his watch on the bedside table and saw that it was just before eight. They’d got in about four, so he was in no rush to surface yet. Then he could hear voices, movement in the lounge. Not something he was keen to deal with yet.

So pulling Martha closer, he pulled the duvet over his head and closed his eyes once more.

“So how did it go?” Martha had a thick head from the sambucca they’d drunk after the champagne. It couldn’t have been the champagne, that wouldn’t make sense! She was watching Lucy washing dishes at the sink when she emerged from her room at half past nine. Sonny was still snoring, so she left him to his sleep.

Lucy looked up and smiled, “it was amazing, just like stripping back the years. Within half an hour we were talking like we always had. I mean I don’t know what that means for the future, he wants me to meet his family...”

Martha grinned, Lucy was like a teenager in the first flush of love, it was so endearing. 

                “You made plans to see him again?”

Lucy nodded and explained how he wanted her to meet his family.

                “So what about you two? You had a late night. Good time?” When Martha nodded, gave a smile Lucy added, “so what have you got planned for today?”

Martha grimaced, “taking Ethan for lunch at Michael’s.”

                “Ah.” No more was needed. Lucy was well aware of Sonny’s reluctance to speak to his father. “Good luck.”

By the time Sonny appeared they’d had several cups of tea for Lucy and coffee for Martha as the older woman told her stories and anecdotes from the previous day.

                “You two seem cosy!”

Martha smiled, “I’m just hearing all the gossip...you missed out!”

He made for the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, “how will I live now?”

Lucy grinned, “you’ll work it out! Now I’m supposed to be going to lunch with my dance buddies, I’ll see you later?”

Martha nodded then shook her head in wonder as her aunt almost skipped out of the flat.

                “What you got planned for today?”

Smiling and leaning back in her chair, Martha looked at him for moment, “Michael has invited us to lunch.” Watching his face twist into a scowl she sighed, “he’s Ethan’s grandfather, they want to see each other.”

He didn’t reply but his face was filled with so many emotions.

                “Carter, won’t you come with us, hasn’t this gone on long enough?”

He shook his head, “why do you have to control everything? Force the issue?”

She sighed, “listen to yourself. He hasn’t had the chance to explain anything to you, he deserves that. You need to get over this stubborn streak.”

She hated that the mere mention of his father seemed to throw their relationship up in the air.

                “I don’t want to talk to him, and that is MY decision. Why have you got to sour everything that’s good between us? We had fun, such a good night...and now this?”

Martha groaned, then stood up, he was so stubborn, for almost two weeks he’d ignored the man who was his father, he hadn’t given him a chance. It was the only white elephant left in her life. She didn’t want the complication; she wanted happiness, simplicity, and a family. Then she moved towards the bedroom door, “I’m going to get dressed, I need to collect Ethan, we’ll come to the pub before we go there.”

She didn’t say the words in case you change your mind, but they both knew that was what she meant.

Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Six

Chapter Ninety Six

 

                “So have you got ideas?”

She turned to Sonny’s voice and gave a half smile, “there’s nothing I like more than interior decorating...”

                “But?” He walked across to Martha and slid his arms around her, pulling her into a kiss. When he finally lifted his lips, he smiled, “I sense a ‘but’?”

Sighing she nodded her head, “Henry called me this morning.” When he looked puzzled, she added, “Lucy’s old flame. I told you I contacted him, he really wants to meet her.”

                “Ah,” he nodded, “so what’s the problem?”

She sighed, “I haven’t told Lucy that I’ve looked for him, found him...she has no idea.”

He nodded knowingly, “seems it’s not just me that has to face up to things.”

That raised a laugh from Martha, “do not bracket me in with you, not even the same thing.”

He kissed her again, “god you get off on the power over me, don’t you?”

Another laugh preceded her smile, “power?” She shook her head, “I don’t need to wield any power over you. Do I?”

There was a challenge in her raised brow and it made him smile, “no. I’ll always obey your every command.”

She giggled at the sarcasm, “good, I meant what I said earlier, I won’t be shouted at by you.”

He nodded, “I kinda worked that out. I’ll be around for dinner, then we can discuss those rotas?”

                “Why are you being all quiet and coy?”

Martha looked up from her position making dinner to see Aunt Lucy leaning against the kitchen door frame.

                “How was town? Busy?”

Lucy eyed her up for a moment, “nice subject change, what’s going on?”

Martha laid down the knife she was using to peel potatoes, “well, I have a slight confession to make...you know we were talking about love, life...” When Lucy shrugged not sure where this conversation was going, Martha sighed, “Henry...”

Lucy paled, immediately, deathly white, “Martha...” Her voice was weak, shaky.

This is what Martha had feared, when she’d started on this she’d been broken hearted, desperate to deflect from her own misery. “You were so sad, and so was I...with the internet things are different.”

                “What have you done?”

As Martha looked at Lucy she felt sick, her aunt looked devastated, and very fragile.

                “I just put out a few feelers...and I found him.”

Lucy shook her head but didn’t say anything. Martha sighed, “I went to meet him a couple of weeks ago.”

Suddenly Lucy stormed forward, “WHAT?”

Martha smiled awkwardly, “I needed to know if it was the same man.”

                “Did I ask you to find him?”

Martha gasped at the venom in her aunt’s voice, “but you were sad...you said...”

Lucy shook her head, “NO. You didn’t think. I might talk wistfully about walking on the moon, that doesn't mean I want you to fly me there. You are out of order. What your life was shit so everyone else’s becomes fair game?”

                “Of course not! It was never like that...I just wanted to help.”

                “Well conspiring with someone from my past is not the way. I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re not the woman I remember.”

Then she was gone, leaving Martha stunned and devastated in equal measure.

An hour later Sonny turned up smiling, hand interlaced with Ethan’s, it was a treat for them both that Sonny collected him from school.

                “MUM! We’ve got a school trip...look!”

Ethan ran up to her waving a letter which she quickly gleaned was about a trip to a wild bird sanctuary the following week.

                “Some mothers can come with us. Do you want to come?”

She looked down at his happy face, “do you want me to come?”

He then shrugged in a ‘too cool for school’ kind of way, “of you want...can I watch Ben 10 before dinner?”

Martha nodded, hating that her smile was still sad.

                “What’s happened?” Sonny stalked across the room then paused with his hands on her shoulders kneading them in a supportive and calming way. She closed her eyes and relaxed into him, his body cradling her spine as she leaned against him.

                “Tried to tell Lucy, she stormed off. Called me all sorts...do I interfere?”

He turned her in his arms and she hated that she knew tears welled in her eyes, “you want to do right for everyone, cooking, cleaning, mothering, this is just another part of that. She doesn’t moan about the fridge being full, dinner being on the table...you haven’t got a malicious bone in your body. I know that, and I guarantee that SHE knows that too!” He pulled her close, “she’ll realise that, it must be a terrible shock to her.”

His lips found hers, and she immediately felt the tingle in her toes, the thrill in her heart, and the voice of Ethan caused them to pull apart.

                “Well that cheered me up.”

He grinned, “good. It doesn’t take things away, but if it makes you feel better...” he lowered his head to whisper in her ear, “to know what will be coming when we’re alone, then that’s a winner.”

They’d had dinner and Sonny read a bedtime story to Ethan before he was needed back in the pub. He hated leaving Martha when she was this low, but he had no choice, he had to work, and she knew that. When they were living above the pub it would be easier, he could be up and down more often, she could come down and sit with him on quiet nights and when Ethan was in bed. Then he could be more supportive to her, because for as long as she needed him to be her strength, the less time he had to think about his own shit. And that wasn’t a great place for him mentally.

He loved the pub, it wasn’t like working, he met people, kept abreast of so many things, and felt that he was becoming part of the village the longer that he stayed there. And thankfully it was still as busy as it always had been, the contempt that so many had for him for his first six months in the area seemed to have faded, and that was due to the acceptance of the Mansell’s he knew that. No one knew much about him, and very few knew that he was the long lost son of Michael Oldbury, but then Michael was very private, and he rarely set foot in the building. That suited Sonny, particularly at the moment.

He couldn’t think back to the seven weeks he spent in that flat with Jade, and the conversation he overheard. Martha was convinced that he was over reacting, reading more into things, but he had gone with his gut instinct, and his so called father discussing the lies that Jade had told so calmly meant he believed that there was more to it than met the eye. Because you’re gut instinct has been so reliable the last few months, he questioned himself. Listening to others, giving in to ‘do the right thing’ about Martha, then believing Jade, choosing to be with her, and Michael.

The door opened and a few people came into the pub, serving them helped him put his internal monologue on hold.

By ten o’clock it was getting quiet. It was a cold dark night and people were obviously spending the evening in the warmth of their homes. Lots had left, though half a dozen men sat at one of the corner tables, papers spread out between them and empty glasses mounting beside them.

Hearing the door open, he looked up and was surprised at seeing Lucy stood there, but that soon turned to concern as he saw how pale she looked, how troubled her eyes were. Meeting her half way, he led her to a stool near the bar, but in a place where she wasn’t in the glare of the men who were present. Before she could speak he poured her a sherry and waved away her hand when she tried to offer him money.

                “Drink that, it’ll make you feel a bit better.”

He watched as she nodded then sipped the drink, “where have you been? Martha’s been calling all night worried sick.”

Lucy rolled her eyes, “you sure about that?”

He shook his head in dismay, “I don’t want to argue with you Lucy.”

                “Then don’t.”

He contemplated that for a moment, “and you never interfere with me, what I’m doing?”

Lucy laughed, “YOU need guidance, you’re too hot-headed.”

                “And you’re not?” he leaned on the bar facing her. “You’ve been AWOL all evening, most of the day. Your niece is worried sick. You never do things like this, so we KNOW it’s because you’re angry with her.”

                “Angry doesn’t come close!” She scowled, and Sonny would have laughed if he wasn’t so angry himself.

He reached out for her hands, squeezing them in his own, “look, she may have overstepped a mark, but you KNOW her Lucy. She’s not got a malicious bone in her body, and she doesn’t deserve the silent treatment and the cold shoulder.”

                “No? That’s the sort of thing you’d do!”

It was a childish retort and he couldn’t control the smile at that, “really? Come on, she wants you to be happy; she saw a way of doing that. Maybe she shouldn’t have, but all I know is that she doesn’t do things to be nasty.”

She huffed, then stared at him, “maybe I don’t want my biggest mistakes and regrets coming up and biting me on the nose. Maybe I’ve put Henry to bed in the recesses of my mind a long time ago.”

                “Maybe you did...so just say no you don’t want to see him. That’s it. Done.” He watched her for a moment, “but aren’t you just the s lightest bit curious?”

She rolled her eyes and waved the glass at him for another drink, and it was fifteen minutes before he could return to her.

                “Well?” She looked at him quizzically, so he added, “are you even the smallest but curious?”

She shrugged, but he could see her earlier anger had waned.

                “I’m going back to the flat once I close up here...” he looked at his watch. “Twenty minutes. You hold on for me?”

She thought about it for a moment then nodded, and Sonny let out a breath that she hadn’t realised she was holding, if she came back with him he’d make her talk. Martha needed her to be honest; she’d been devastated when she’d called earlier.

Martha was sat on the sofa her arms wrapped around her knees rocking herself anxiously. She looked up when he walked into the lounge, then half smiled with relief as she spotted Lucy behind him.

                “Oh Aunt Lucy, you’re home. I’ve been out of my mind with worry.”

Lucy brushed off her concern, but Sonny from his position still near the door could see that Lucy was happy with the attention of Martha.

                “I’m going to bed; I’ve got an early start.” He looked between them and then gave a wink, “don’t kill each other or anyone else. Ok?”

Martha smiled at that, but didn’t comment on the surprise he knew she’d be experiencing at him going to bed so early. Thankfully he had a book beside his bed, he’d read a couple of chapters whilst listening to make sure neither killed the other.  

Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Five

Chapter Ninety Five

Two days later, two days of unadulterated pleasure, from walks on the beach, to lying in bed together until after midday, to meals in beach front bars, feeding each other seafood and perfect steak, they had to reluctantly leave for home. Martha could feel the tension in Sonny at the thought of heading back to the village, but she was looking forward to seeing Ethan more than anything.

                “No one’s been living in the pub,” she offered as she lowered herself into the seat beside him on the plane.

                “What does that mean?”

She shrugged, “that we’ve got to decide how we do things at home. Do we live in the flat? The pub? What about Lucy?”

Sonny groaned, “this life shit is harder than I thought.”

Giggling she took his hand, interlinking their fingers, “it is. I’m thinking about Ethan, I don’t want to disrupt him, then there’s Lucy...I don’t want to abandon her.”

He nodded, “it makes more sense to move into the pub, I’ll see more of you that way...but it’s not ready to be lived in, we have to take time sorting that out. We can maybe move in in a few weeks time, once we...” he laughed, “once YOU have got in liveable. As for Lucy, doesn’t in depend what happens with this Henry chap?”

Martha had told him all about Lucy’s lost love at some point over the last couple of days and Martha felt genuinely sorry that after telling the man about Lucy she’d abandoned that cause leaving him in the lurch for a while.

Slumping back in her seat she closed her eyes, “it’ll work itself out, it has to.”

Squeezing her hand, he relaxed back too, “I love you.”

They hired a car to get home, it was easier than a train or a taxi, and with their luggage it was their only real option. And it was Sonny that drove into town. He pulled up outside the flat, the restaurant was obviously closed, and the street was quiet, which was a relief. Lugging their bags upstairs and straight into her bedroom, Martha gasped as Sonny immediately wrestled her onto the bed. 

Laughing she smiled at him, “you can put it off as long as you want, but we have got to go to the pub. You hear? It’s probably in a right mess now, and will probably take us two weeks to get things back up to date.”

He groaned burying his face into her neck, “want to stay here.”

She wriggled from under him, “you Sir, have an obligation, a business and a responsibility. Now come on.”

Offering a hand, she pulled him to his feet.

Sonny paused at the door to the pub, “we don’t mention anything about Jade, or Spain...it’s just today onwards, ok.”

She squeezed their linked hands wishing silently that he’d fully let go of the past, “and us?”

He unwrapped his hand from hers, then threw his arm around her shoulder, “that is something I will NEVER hide from again, ok?”

The lunchtime trade could be quiet or really busy, there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it, but as they opened the door, at least forty pairs of eyes flicked to stare at them, and most widened in surprise at the sight. Sonny’s hand squeezed at her shoulder then led her into the room.

                “Ok all?”

From amongst the crowd her father appeared, and Carl rushed to Sonny first, pulling him into his arms, in a hug that Martha could see almost brought tears to Sonny’s face.

                “Bloody hell son, we have missed you SO much!”

Stepping back from him Carl beamed and Sonny, in his typical fashion glanced around and said, “nice to see you’ve all made the effort to welcome me home!”

Martha shook her head, then made for the bar, Paul their knight in shining armour stood there, and seeing her he rushed over for a hug, “you found him then? I never doubted you would.” And the smile was genuine, he was pleased for her, and she’d never appreciated him more that at that moment. He’d saved her, enabled her the time to go off and look for Sonny, her happiness was determined by his generosity.

                “I owe you, more than I can ever tell you!”

Paul laughed, “actually I enjoyed the responsibility. He looks well.” He nodded in Sonny’s direction and she looked at the man she loved being hugged and welcomed by a few of the regulars.

“He’s special Paul, I know most don’t see it, but he is.”

Paul smiled, “and he’s a VERY lucky man, don’t you forget that.”

Martha watched things unwind confidently, she didn’t need to be close to Sonny to feel close to him, every now and again as he re-familiarised himself with the building and the patrons, she sat beside her father on a bar stool with a glass of orange juice.

She’d been there barely forty minutes when it was time to pick up Ethan, she’d missed him so much, but she’d promised him she’d bring Sonny home. Smiling at him she waited until he came to her.

                “I’m going to get Ethan.”

“You’ll bring him here?” there was an almost desperation to his voice.

She nodded, “he’ll never keep away. I was under strict instructions to bring you back.”

Sonny smiled, pulling Martha into his arms and kissing her passionately, much to the catcalls and wolf whistles of the patrons.

Ethan clung to her neck like a limpet, he’d missed her too. And as she walked with him attached to her to the pub, he constantly asked questions about Sonny. Was he going away again?  No...hopefully not. Did he miss me? Yes definitely.

As she approached the building he wrestled to be set down, then ran across the forecourt and into the door. By the time Martha pushed open the door to the pub, she witnessed Ethan hurtling into the squatted down Sonny’s arms and the two hugging as though their lives depended on it. It tugged at her heart strings so dramatically, the two most important people in her life showing her how devoted they were to each other.

                “Missed you squirt, come see what I’ve got?”

Ethan still hugging him nodded as Sonny carried him behind the bar to pick from the snacks that were in vast volumes behind there. Martha slid onto a barstool and watched them both together for a moment. This was everything that she wanted. It wasn’t going to be easy, he would be working, she’d be looking after Ethan, but knowing that they were coming home to each other, sharing their downtime with each other was all that she wanted.

An hour later she told Ethan that they had to go home. Whilst Sonny wanted to join them, she told him he had to stay, his staff had pulled out all the stops to run the place in his absence, he owed them some time, some support.

                “I’ll make dinner, then when Lucy gets home I’ll run some over to you. Ok?”

He nodded, “it’ll have to do. Then I want to discuss decorating upstairs, already the distance is killing me.”

She laughed, “it’s forty metres tops.”

                “And out of my eyes sight!”

With pizza and garlic bread laid out in front of them, Ethan and Martha were laughing as they ate, and they were sat there giggling when they heard Lucy on the stairs.

                “Martha? Are you back? IS that you?”

Martha jumped up and was at the door from the stairs as it opened, “I have missed you SO much Aunt Lucy.”

The older woman met the frantic hug head on, “not as much as we’ve all missed you. Did you find him?” She paused, “no need to answer, the infantile grin and John Wayne swagger gives it all away!”

Martha blushed, “was just about to offer you some pizza!”

Lucy pulled out a chair and slid in opposite Ethan, “pepperoni? My favourite!”

He grinned, over the months they’d become allies.

A couple of hours later, after dropping Sonny some food then conspiring to a grope and a secret snog in the cellar, and a bedtime story and bath for Ethan, Martha settled down in front of the TV with her Aunt.

                “So how was it?”

Martha dropped her head against the back of the sofa, eyes closed, “strange. He was so determined to stand by his guns, to see out all the things he’d chosen that he was going to risk losing me...us.”

Lucy sighed, “he has nothing but his instincts, I suppose none of us are unfortunate to know how he feels, what he’s been through. It’s all about counting our chickens.”

Martha nodded, “I didn’t think I’d be able to convince him to come home, he was so stubborn, so pigheaded.”

Lucy nodded too, “those are the characteristics that you love. He is who he is...you can’t change him.”

                “I wouldn’t want to. I swear.”

Martha’s eyes popped open at the feel of two arms wrapping around her, fingers sliding under her pyjamas. She’d tried to stay awake, wait for him to come home, but it wasn’t to be. She’d been exhausted, almost asleep on the sofa, then she realised something, he was coming home to her, she was where his home was, and it didn’t matter about anything else. So she’d changed into her pyjamas and slipped under the duvet, convinced that she’d manage to read her book until he got back to the flat.

                “You ok?” he breathed his lips against her ears. As she let his arms’ slide around her, she moved back so that her back pressed up against his chest, and as his arms pulled her closer, she sighed.

                “I’m brilliant now that you’re here.”

And it was true.

The weekend was hectic. Now that they were a couple, that there was no end in sight, they wanted forever, Martha was happy with Sonny crossing boundaries with Ethan. SO Saturday morning, straight after breakfast, Sonny joined them on a trip to the swimming pool. As soon as Sonny sae Martha in swimwear he realised that life wasn’t going to be easy. IN fact encounters in the hallway before she was fully dressed, Ethan bursting in as he was about to devour Martha, family life was rife with complications. But as he woke in the morning to find Ethan wrapped around him, or Martha kissing him, he knew that it was all worth it.

                “Are we going to talk about Michael?”Martha asked Monday morning after their first weekend as a family. She’d loved every moment, but her memories of the man she’d seen before she’d left to find Sonny haunted her. All weekend she’d wondered how to broach the subject, and was annoyed that they’d not had this conversation sooner.  But then she knew that Sonny didn’t want to talk about it, about him, and that was why she was risking unsettling their equilibrium so soon.

He shook his head, “don’t push it Martha, we’ve had a good start, I’m in no rush to start things with him.”

                “You NEED to find out what happened. WHY he was there. We promised a new start Sonny, that should include him too. He’s your father!”

Sonny pulled on his running shoes and shook his head, “stick to taking Ethan to school there’s no job in amateur psychology for you.” then he ran out.

Martha shook her head, clearly there was still SO much to deal with. Now was obviously not the time, so she called Ethan from his lengthy sojourn in the bathroom and left for school. None of that meant that she wasn’t liviv with the way he’d spoken to her, but she’d deal with it, deal with him as soon as she could.

She had so much catching up to do, being away for a week had thrown her off balance, and as she was walking around the supermarket her phone rang.

                “Is that Martha?”

It was Henry, Aunt Lucy’s ‘friend’; she had been rather neglectful of him.

                “It is, Henry I can only apologise for not being in touch, I’ve been away.”

He sighed, “I guessed as much, I’ve got to go to London in a couple of days, I’ll be passing your way, I was wondering whether you could arrange for me to meet Lucy. I’m desperate to see her.”

Martha smiled to herself, she had no idea how it would all go when she told her aunt, after all this was a huge thing, but she hoped that deep down she’d be over the moon. The thought of it all made Martha SO nervous.

                “I’ll see what I can do; I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. I need to have a chat with my aunt.”

By mid morning she’d unpacked her shopping, made the beds, washed the dishes and started on a meal for the evening. Sonny was talking about them decorating the rooms above the pub, about moving in, so once things were in hand at home, she made for the pub.

It was quiet, no one there bar Cyril, an elderly man who everyone knew in town who spent lunchtime in the pub EVERY day. He barely looked yup when she entered, but Sonny did. he was behind the bar, looking as delectable as ever, no one wore a long sleeved t-shirt like he did, and he had on her favourite jeans, worn, soft and arse clinging. But she wasn’t in the mood to be genial.

He had the good fortune to look a little sorry, and that helped. Marching up to the bar, she stood hands on hips, “you might have surrounded yourself with women who worshipped the ground you walk on and find you punching walls and throwing your weight around sexy and attractive, but I’m not one of them. You were out of order earlier.”

He blushed, “it’s a moot point for me, ok? I shouldn’t have shouted.”

She nodded, “no you shouldn’t. Just because I’ve missed you and want you in my life does not mean I’ll put up with that shit. Ok?”

Again he nodded, “alright, I get it, I’m sorry.”

She laughed, “first time for everything, clearly!” With a brisk nod, she moved towards the door to upstairs, “I’m here to sort out upstairs, and then the books, the rotas. I got used to working here when you were away, so I’m going to work here from now on.” Giving him her biggest smile, she flounced past him.

Sonny watched her go, shaking his head, when would she ever stop amazing and surprising him. He’d thought she’d strop for days after him being rude to her, but no, she was in control, bossing him around regardless. He glanced up to see Cyril looking at him with a bemused expression and rolled his eyes. “Women, hey?”