Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety

Chapter Ninety

Sonny knew he’d not leave, despite Michael assuring him that no one would judge him for it; it wasn’t about that, it was about him living with himself. And that meant being there for his baby. The thought still terrified him, but there was nothing he could do about it. But what Michael was right about was that he didn’t have to make things hell for them both. It wasn’t Jade’s fault that he was unhappy, not really. HE had made the choice to stay with her, so HE had to get over it. He’d had fun with Jade before, he’d always seen past her self-obsession to the girl quaking inside. Her parents had been travelling for more than six months and had sold her home when she was living in it. It was no wonder that she was clinging to him for grim death.

So he decided to make things better. Whatever that took.

                “We’re going out tonight. So be ready.”

Jade’s head looked up in surprise, “what?”

He grinned, “I finish work at seven, I’ll be home by half past, book us a table somewhere, for about eightish?”  When she nodded, he added, “not the Ivy...or the Ritz, I’ve not been paid yet.”

She was still smiling as he left for work.

Martha laughed at Ethan, the boy was her salvation, truly he was. It had been seven long weeks since Sonny had left, since they’d had that wonderful weekend in the hotel, when they’d been a couple, with no hassle, no judgement and most importantly no interference. It had been bliss, and when she was alone she still cried, still struggled to come to terms with losing the one man who’d seemed more important to her than herself. Helen nagged her to go out, to socialise, obviously no one knew about the rekindling of her relationship with Sonny, so no one guessed her reasons for seeming so morose. She always blamed it on being tossed in at the deep end with the pub, that she needed time to catch up, get her feet on the ground. Most believed it, but she knew that Paul thought differently. But she wasn’t happy to start up those conversations, even though Paul had proved himself a confidante and friend.

                “Why don’t you take tonight off Martha? The girls are going to Northbury, you could do with a night off, you slog here every day.”

As Martha looked at him and opened her mouth to reply, a voice from behind her beat her to it.

                “I agree with the night off, you look wrecked girlfriend, but don’t go to Northbury. Stay here with ME and tell me why you aren’t answering my calls!”

She spun around to see Jack stood there, a beaming smile on his face, but as soon as he met her eyes that smile dropped, “I thought I was joking about you looking wrecked. What the hell is going on here and why the hell are you working? Where’s that hunky stud of yours?” He glanced at Paul, “no offence but he is something of an oil painting.”

Martha groaned, “Paul, can you manage?”

He laughed, “of course. Now go sit!” He handed her an ice cold bottle of white wine and two glasses, "wave if you want anything.”

Jack giggled and fluttered his eyelashes flirtatiously, “I take it all back, you are just as cute!”

Paul’s laughter accompanied them as they moved to a booth at the back of the pub.

Sitting next to each other, Jack put his arm around Martha’s shoulders, “so spill. What the hell went wrong?”

Martha hated that she was almost on the verge of tears again, she took a deep breath, and then another, “it was perfect, we had a night away....a hotel...but...” she dropped her head for a moment, “he’s got Jade pregnant.”

Jack gasped, “really? Fake tits and tan? OMG.”

Martha appreciated his concern, and he was trying his best to make this as light-hearted as he could.

                “Yep, they’ve left. I don’t know where he is, but that’s it. Game over.”

Jack shook his head, “he doesn’t have to screw her just cos they’ve got a kid.”

Martha sighed, “it’s his thing, he was in care, he wants to be a real father, not an absent one, and he couldn’t risk her flitting off and him never see him again. Plus...” She gave a soft exhale, “I can’t have any more kids Jack, I can’t give him the family he wants, and I can’t watch them together, I couldn’t have handled it if they were here.  So they left town.”

Jack pulled her into his arms, swamping her with and all encompassing cuddle, “shit. You’ve never said, and...” Words obviously failed him. “So you’re left holding the baby?” He cringed at his choice of metaphor, but Martha laughed, seeing the funny side.

                “My Dad and his father half own this place, neither is in a position to run it, now that Sonny’s gone...” she gulped, “I have to do it.”

Jack drummed his fingers on the table for a moment, his teeth clenched tightly.

                “Why the hell are you just taking this mate? You CONSTANTLY let people walk all over you. You’ve got to stop all this. You do everything for everyone, cooking cleaning, running a pub...NO one is that much of a saint, you know that? What about putting yourself first for a change?”

Those words upset her more than talking about Sonny. “You think I’m stupid?”

He reached out and cupped her cheek, “I think you’ve spent a lifetime looking after everyone that you neglect yourself. We all love a saint Martha, but there’s a fine line between that and a martyr.” She could feel her jaw drop open; it was the last thing she expected from Jack.

He immediately pulled her close to him, “look all I’m saying is that you allowed this to happen, you allowed people to drive a wedge between you and you lost the man you love. Because you perpetually care about everyone else. Who cares back? Who looks out for you?”

Martha sighed, he was right, Stephanie and her father had interfered in her life, they’d put themselves first, then there was Lucy, she did what she wanted.  They all loved her, but none would do what Sonny did for her. He’d walked away because her father made him believe it was for the best.

                “Sonny...” she breathed, “he was the only one.”

                “You see what I’m saying baby girl? You’ve lost him to some harlot gutter tramp because you put others before you, and before him. It has to stop today.”

He was right, this was almost an identical conversation to the one she’d had with Sonny, before it had all gone tits up.  And Jack was right, she’d lost him, forever, and she had to move on, had to change, had to start putting her foot down. But the truth hurt.

                “Come to London, come and stay with us, Ethan will love it, and YOU need it.”

Jack couldn’t stay for the night, so she was reluctantly saying goodbye to him later that night.  Giving a nod she agreed, though she had no idea when that would be. After all she still hadn’t really got to grips with the pub, and that was because she was moping around after Sonny. She HAD to move on.

As Jack watched her deliberate, he added, “not just thinking about it, get your diary out later and text me a date. Ok?”

Martha buried herself in one of Jack’s special hugs and promised that she would.

So ten days later she worked it out so that she had a Saturday night off. Paul was her second in command, and whilst he had childcare issues, he was only too glad to help out.  So it meant that she had a much needed break to look forward to, from the humdrum life she’d suddenly developed.  Jack had it all planned out, Mike was going to babysit, her and Jack were painting the town red. At his insistence. She just had to wait until the day rolled around.

                “Have a good shift babe, see you later?”

Sonny shrugged, “I’m going to be late. You know that. Go to bed. Ok?”

Jade purred at him in her most flirtatious way, “well you can wake me?”

He shook his head, “look I told you, once we’ve seen the doctor on Monday I’ll relax a bit.”

                “And we can finally have sex?”

The more he abstained the more desperate Jade became, he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to do it, he’d used a dozen excuses, the latest being that he was concerned about the baby. Only time would tell, but at least they weren’t arguing with each other so dramatically.  And that made his life easier, more palatable. Still half lived, that Martha sounding voice whispered at his ear, but it was getting quieter as he accepted his fate.

As he strolled to the tube that would take him to work he had a spring in his step. Monday they’d have a scan of the baby, confirmation that everything was ok. Maybe then he’d relax and look forward to his impending fatherhood.

As he got to the tube station he searched for his phone, he wanted to call Michael. His father had been pestering him to meet up at Claridge’s again, he’d put him off as he tried to sort out his life. Tapping his pockets he was furious to realise he’d left it at home. He had a moment to weigh up his options, without he was incommunicado, if there was a problem with Jade...or the baby...He hated the thought of being isolated, so turning he jogged back to the flat. As he climbed up the stairs at pace, he was amazed to see the front door ajar, he was about to shout and Jade, berate her for such tardiness when he heard voices coming from the kitchen.

                “He wants me to go for this appointment on Monday.” It was Jade and she sounded upset. He was about to burst the door down when he heard the voice of the person he was talking to. Michael...his father.

                “And what’s wrong with that?”

He placed his hand on the doorknob about to burst in and discover why the two of them were even together when he heard Jade start to cry, “you KNOW what’s wrong with that, that’s why you won’t give me money!”

Sonny leaned against the wall frozen in some form of trance, dreading what he was about to hear.

                “I am not supplying you with anything, so you’d better start telling the truth, if Sonny as much as thinks that I’m here I’ll lose him, and I’m not prepared to do that for someone like you.”

                “Someone like me?” Jade sounded furious, and if he wasn’t so panicked Sonny would have laughed.

                “Tell him, or I will, it’s the only option you have. The only sliver of hope that you might have at keeping him.”

A cackle of witch like proportions was her response, “you are in this as much as me, you’ve got as much to lose as me?”

Michael laughed at that, “the only thing I did wrong was answer the phone to you. You have lied to him; you have dragged him away from his life, his family. Tell him that you’re not pregnant, that you never were, or I will. There’s no other option.”