Trying Not to Love You - Part Eighty Eight

Chapter Eighty Eight

                “How did it go?”

Sonny had opened the front door to their flat and leaned back against the door as it closed behind him. Glancing up at the voice he saw Jade sat in just her underwear cross legged on the sofa painting her toe nails. Then he glanced around the room and grimaced, this place was a hole. But it was more than they could afford with NO income, thankfully Michael had loaned him some money and he had enough to live on for a while. But with no job it wouldn’t last long.

                “Well?”

He sighed, “they’ll call me, this evening.”

                “Did it go well?”

He shrugged, moving to the kitchen and opening the cupboard, vodka...that was what he needed. Pouring a decent measure, he gulped at it, then groaned at the warmth that caressed his throat. Each time he met his father he was taken back to the raw pain of being without Martha. Alcohol was becoming his only friend.

                “Went ok.” He managed after a long drink. “We’ll have to see. Got a few things lined up for tomorrow.”

Uncurling from her seated position she stalked across the room like some sort of exotic cat and placed her arms around his neck, “you’ll get lucky soon.”

As she leaned in to kiss him, he diverted his head in the direction of his glass and she connected with his cheek, “not sure about that. I thought London was the best place to come; now I’m not so sure.”

Swinging back her arms linked around his neck she sighed, “we should never have left, the pub was working out.”

He shook his head, “I swear you would not have wanted to stay there.” He gave her a warning glance then unwound her from him, “now put some clothes on for fuck’s sake, you are about to be a mother.”

                “So I can’t be sexy?”

He didn’t answer that, instead he stripped out of his suit and headed for the shower.

Henry Carmichael was a gentle and very genial man. From the moment she’d knocked his door, unannounced, he’d been charming. Martha had sat at his dining table whilst he made a pot of tea, and then when he had sat opposite her she’d explained who she was.

As soon as she mentioned Lucy’s name, Henry paled,

                “Lucy?” He shook his head, “how is she? What is she doing?”

He was a good looking man even for someone approaching seventy eight; she could see the remnants of the chiselled features and those deep blue eyes to understand why Lucy had given her heart to him. He had a wistful look in his eyes, as he spoke about her.

                “I should never have given up so easily...but it wasn’t like it is now, her father was the boss...he ruled things.” He looked up at Martha, “is she married? Kids?”

He’d already told her he was a widower with two very grown up children, and three grandchildren not much younger than her.             

Martha shook her head, “she never married and never had kids. But when my mother, her sister died, she kind of brought me up.”

Henry looked shocked at that, “she always loved children, I can’t believe she didn’t have any.” He reached out and lifted one of the photos of her, “she was such a kind woman.”

Martha sighed, she’d been quite harsh over the years, in fact it was only over the last few months that she’d started to fully understand the woman. “She’s had a difficult life, but you’re right, she’s a good woman.”

                “I would like to meet her...I have thought about her a lot over the years.”

Smiling Martha nodded, “she has no idea I’m here. I don’t know what she’d think, but I do feel seeing you, talking...it’s what she needs. I will have to talk to her though.”

He nodded, “of course. If she doesn’t want to see me, I understand, it’s been fifty years...but tell her I always thought about her, and that I always regret not standing up to her father.”

Martha returned to the village with a skip in her step, and walked straight into another nightmare.

Gripper. She had barely seen him since Scott had died months earlier, but he was stood at the bar shouting abuse at Paul. Paul a gentle guy was trying to deal with the animosity, but it wasn’t in his nature to be aggressive.

                “Where is he? I want to see the bastard!”

He was leaning across the bar; spit flying from his mouth as he shouted at Paul. Luckily there were only a couple of regulars in the bar, so he wasn’t as disruptive as he could have been. Martha was furious, but she had to handle this well, for Paul’s sake, but also for her own, as she had to run this pub and she wasn’t about to show any weakness now.

                “Gripper?” She spoke his name quietly but firmly, she wasn’t about to have him ruin the business she was trying to manage.

He spun around, and glared at her, “you!”

Martha nodded, “yes it’s me Gripper, now can I ask why you’re here and why the HELL you think you can abuse my staff?”

                “Your staff? What the...”

In the height of his confusion she placed a hand on his shoulder, “I run this pub, and if you carry this on, then I’ll have no choice but to ban you from here.”

He snarled, “you always have that upper hand, don’t you? God I hate you.”

Martha sighed, “I’m sorry you feel that way...”

                “Where is he? That bastard Carter...he did it...HE’s the one I’m looking for.”

For the first time the pain wasn’t encompassing at the sound of his name, “he’s left town. He isn’t planning to come back, so you’ve missed your chance. Now if you want a drink, Paul here will give you one, on the house, but if you raise your voice again or even hint at a threat, then I’ll throw your out myself. Got it?”

He was confused, by both her manner and the words she’d spoken, so he nodded meekly and she gestured at Paul to provide the drink.

Disaster averted.

Preparing to have her father and Stephanie over for dinner was no easy task. Lucy was being unhelpful, she promised to talk, to listen, to try and reconcile, but that didn’t mean she was going to make the event easy. Martha spent Saturday afternoon in Northbury buying a leg of lamb, fresh vegetables and wine. Ethan had started playing for a football club, he was too young for games, but they trained, had fun. And that came after shopping.

Martha had to work late afternoon, so she set him at a table near the bar after his football with some food and some colouring pencils. He was in her direct line of vision, and whilst it wasn’t ideal, all too soon three other children, at the pub with their families had joined him and were busy drawing her pictures. An hour later she had covered a notice board in the children’s pictures, and Ethan had new friends.

Sonny finally got a job, but he hated it. Never the less it was money, a start. It was managing a pub in Camden, and whilst it was close to the flat they were renting, it was far enough that late night travel was a nightmare. But he couldn’t find anything better that was closer, and it was all becoming tedious.

AS usual Jade was sat in the lounge, pampering herself, as he changed into a suit to prepare for a night at work - Saturday was a late finish so he’d be on the late bus home at god only knew what hour.

                “You’ll be okay tonight?”

She nodded, “of course...I’ll watch a DVD, that’ll pass the time.”

He nodded, “I know this isn’t ideal, but I have to work.”

She gave him a smile, “I know that, I just wish you’d stayed back in the Oak.”

He gritted his teeth, “so you keep saying, but I can assure you that wouldn’t be the case. When’s your doctor appointment? Did you organise one?” He wanted to be excited about this baby, the baby deserved that, and he wasn’t about to back down.  

She muttered something about Thursday then waved as he left for the bar.

The Black Horse was a lively pub that served food through the day and had live music at nights. He liked it there because it didn’t attract a student or transient crowd, within a week he already knew a few familiar faces. When he’d managed the Oak for those few weeks earlier, he’d loved the work, meeting people, problem solving and providing a service to happy punters. Tonight the band were a group from Scotland, playing all manner of covers. One of the first songs they played that night was Learning to Fly a Tom Petty cover, and Sonny had to pause in his task of pulling a pint. He was whizzed back to that evening almost a year ago when Martha had tried to show him how music was the soundtrack to your life. The irony was that she was right; the opening bars to the song immediately conjured up that night when they’d sat and played music together, her punctuating the conversations with anecdotes and memories.

But now, as he served faceless punters, earning money for a woman he didn’t love, for a baby he’d love to distraction...it was an unwelcome intrusion, he hated being reminded of all that had happened, all that was in his future, and more poignantly what wasn’t on the horizon for him.

A life half lived. He could almost hear Martha goading him, making him see reality on so many occasions. Would he ever get over her? Would he ever move on? And would be ever be happy again?

Half past two he got out of the pub, locking the door behind him, unfortunately this wasn’t a pub with living accommodation, but he hoped if he proved his worth that he might get a move to another pub with somewhere to live included it would save him a lot of time and effort. That would make things SO much easier. Instead he was left to climb onto a bus fill of drunken revellers and count the minutes till he was home.

Opening the front foot he was blessed with silence, moving to the kitchen he found the bottle of vodka that he had left there earlier. A quick glug tipped in a glass disappeared down his throat in seconds and then he started to prowl, sleep was a long way off. After a shower he moved into the bedroom, reaching for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Glancing at the bed he saw Jade spread out across the pillows, exotic and so groomed even in sleep, and there was a time when that sight would have caused him to rip off his clothes and dive on her. But not anymore, resentment, anger...he shook his head and left the room.

Back in the lounge he poured another drink, he had to get over this, he’d made his choice, he’d chosen...what had he chosen? A baby. That was all. But with that came Jade, and he had to deal with that, he had to stop feeling as though his life was hell. He’d done this, he’d chosen this, he had to get over it, this had to be enough.

Sunday afternoon and Martha left the pub, her leg of lamb had been roasting slowly for most of the afternoon, she had to get home to prepare the rest of the meal, but couldn’t until she was sure her staff were happy. But that meant she was on a fine time schedule, she virtually ran to the flat when she had the chance. Ethan was playing on the Wii that Michael had bought him at Christmas, apparently beating Aunt Lucy at bowling. She paused and laughed for a moment, the two had become great allies since they’d all moved into the apartment, and where Ethan had previously seen her as an ogre, he now worshipped her. It was funny how they’d all viewed Lucy so wrongly.

When the older woman glanced up and smiled, Martha knew that once they’d got over this dinner, she had to tell her about Henry. Since meeting the man Martha had felt awful, she’d done it all behind Lucy’s back and she felt guilty for that. The big question was whether or not Lucy would want to see him after all these years, Martha knew she’d been so desperate to make others happy, to ignore her own suffering that she’d gone off course maybe.

Sighing she headed to the kitchen, she had to get this reconciliation dinner over first, that was a must and it was going to be the first time she came face to face with Stephanie since the night she’d found them together, that was more than six weeks earlier.

She was laying the table, Ethan was washing his hands, Lucy was to quote her ‘preparing’ in her bedroom, Martha had wondered if that involved a doll, some pins and a voodoo chant, when the doorbell rang. Descending the stairs she opened the door to see her father, smart in a dark shirt and pressed smart trousers that looked new, she looked him up and down then raised her eyebrows, before looking at the woman beside him. Stephanie was dressed in a red dress, glamorous in its cut yet demure too. Perfect in black, but totally Steph in red. Martha had missed her, she’d been her confidante and best friend for so long, and Martha knew that she could forgive her the interfering, the conspiracy with her father on so many levels, because in the absence of Sonny, nothing else really mattered.

Smiling she welcomed them in, then hugged each one and both hugged her back with a desperation that surprised her. Their distance from her had upset them both. Smiling she led them upstairs. The next few hours would be nothing if not interesting, she just hoped Lucy behaved. Then she chuckled to herself, this could be so funny too.