Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety One

Chapter Ninety One

Sonny had that split second to decide what to do. His head was racing, his heart pounding, and he’d never felt such conflict before. Part of him wanted to get out of there, run and keep running, part of him wanted to smash the door down and murder the inhabitants. It was a close call, that Michael was there, involved almost killed him, when would he be able to trust anyone? Pain heaved in his chest at the betrayal. Then there was Jade...those words echoed in his head, she wasn’t pregnant, never was...all this was for nothing? He’d endured weeks of hell; he’d compromised for her on EVERY level. He was too stunned to be angry, too shocked to be aggressive, instead he kicked open the door that separated them with a loud thud and was rewarded by two faces, jaws slack with surprise turning to face him.

                “Sonny?”

Jade tried her usual purr as she stepped towards him, but his face remained icy and his voice deathly quiet. “Don’t touch me.” He shrugged free of her grasp. “What the hell have you done?”

It was then that she realised he had heard every word. He walked closer to the two who looked as guilty as they were. Moving past them he found his phone, where he’d left it on the coffee table, but he didn’t stop there, he started to gather anything that looked like it was his. A couple of books, his iPod...he ignored the memory of where that had come from, and then there was his jacket.

                “Sonny, it’s not what you think.”

That was Michael; he spun around, “I don’t think you have ANY idea what I’m thinking.” Michael tried to speak, but Sonny wasn’t ready for that. “Don’t.”

Arms full of stuff, he left the lounge for the bedroom, and Jade ran after him.

                “What are you doing?”

He looked up from his position, pulling a holdall from under the bed, “what you think I’m going to stay? After this?” His voice was calm, betraying all the emotion that threatened to burst out of him. Not that he could truly process things, she’d lied, she wasn’t pregnant...the baby he’d been planning for didn’t exist, he’d given up everything for this whim, and he felt so stupid. And cheated. A couple of months ago he was never going to have the chance to have his own child, and he’d been happy with that, but then Jade had changed that. And he’d bought into it, as hard as the last couple of months had been, he’d been thinking of the future, of a child, his child. And now that was all dragged away from him in one instant with one HUGE lie.

How could he process all that he’d lost?

Turning back to the job in hand he opened the wardrobe and started to drag his clothes out, folding them badly and tossing them into the bag. He had always lived out of a bag; he had very little material possessions, so this was easy for him, wrapping his life up in a holdall and fleeting off into the sunset. Free.

                “Don’t go Sonny, I love you.” Suddenly his name sounded like a whine, and he hated her.

                “Love? What do you know about love? You are a spoilt brat who just wants her on way all the time. I’m, not a dress or a CD, I’m not something you can stamp your feet until you get. You lied...you ruined EVERYthing. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” It was a battle not to slap her, not to push her out of his face, but he wouldn’t do that, he was better than that.

                “I want a baby...with you, that was what this was all about...I thought we’d get pregnant soon, then you’d love us both. Dates are inconsequential, aren’t they?”

He laughed, “you honestly believe that? Don’t you get it? I’d NEVER have loved you, I was only EVER here for the baby. Never doubt that. NEVER.”

                “So what you run back to Martha? Is that what you’ll do? She can’t give you a baby. You know that.”

He turned to face her slowly, his hands clenched in fists as his side, “what?”

Jade was missing cues, and mistook his quiet voice for some form of acquiescence, not the restrained fury that it was. “I heard you two talking, before I disappeared...I KNOW that kids are important to you. She can’t have any. I can, I can be what you want.”

Sonny gritted his teeth, his anger was complete, there really was no limit to this vindictive bitch. He had no idea how Michael figured into it all, but he would work that out later. “I thought I was the  only one who got you Jade, I saw past the brash tart, I thought I saw something soft...I felt sorry for you, abandoned by your parents, and your brother, it was the only thing I thought we had in common, but I was wrong. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

                “Sonny...” She reached out to touch his arm but he batted it away rather aggressively and she fell back against the wardrobe.

                “Son, don’t!” Michael appeared for the first time, dragging a dazed Jade from the room. “Don’t do anything you’re going to regret.”

Sonny stared between the two of them, “what’s this fatherly concern? Ha! Too late. FAR too late.”

                “This is nothing to do with me.”

Sonny shook his head, “when I spoke to you yesterday you KNEW, you knew there was no baby yet you let me keep living this bullshit lie. Jesus, I was just starting to trust you, to think of you as a father. But you’re as bad as everyone else.” He reached in his wallet and pulled out a wad of cash, tossing it in Jade’s direction he made for the door. “That’ll cover your rent for the rest of the month...if you need any more you can always worm your way into a rich man’s life.” He looked between them both, “is this all it ever was? Money?”

Michael stepped towards him, “Sonny, just listen to me, please?”

Sonny shook his head, “you had SO many chances to tell me, but I find out like this.” He shook his head again, “what the hell have I done to deserve this shit?”

With the bag on his shoulder he stormed out the door, ignoring the protests and the looks from the two guilty people, and left.

                “So where do you want to go tonight?”

Jack had just come home from work to find Martha and Mike with Evie and Ethan playing a board game on the kitchen table. Martha looked up and smiled, “what did you have in mind? You’re the expert.”

Jack grinned, “I love it when you acknowledge my superiority. Well, now that you mention it, there’s a new club in Soho that is always rammed, loads of single men, lots of good music.”

Martha shuddered, “don’t be thinking that you can set me up with some rich banker. I’m not interested mate, you know that.”

He nodded as he made for the fridge and got a bottle of cold beer, “I’m not suggesting you shag the next man that hints at it, but there’s nothing more rewarding and soothing for a damaged ego than outrageous flirtation and compliments, hopefully it’ll make you feel as beautiful as you are, and we can start to rebuild. Darling you’re not even thirty and you’re almost voluntarily on the scrap heap. Come on!”

Mike nodded at that, “you should be having fun not locking yourself away working twenty four seven.”

Jack laughed, “and HE knows...you remember when I met him?”

Did she ever. Jack had fallen instantly in love with the man he’d met on a flight home from Barcelona. But he’d barely been able to see him on their return as Mike was married to his job. It had taken drastic action from Jack to assure him that a step down was needed.

                “Does that mean you’re going to do that to me? Chain me to my bed until I realise that work goes on without me?”

Mike laughed, “after twenty four hours I did start to enjoy the handcuffs!”

                “You still do!” Jack retorted and the two blushed.

                “OH MY GOD!” Martha gasped, then placed her head on the table covering her ears with her hands, “TOO much information! You hear me?”

The two men giggled and she recovered from her horrendous blush. “Ok, ok, new club it is!”

After dinner, which was wonderful, perfect steak with peppercorn sauce and the most amazing roast potatoes and purple sprouting broccoli, she allowed Mike to push her off in the direction of the guest room to change. Despite her insistence that she could get dressed herself, the two men sat on the bed and passed judgement on everything she pulled out of her bag.

                “For god’s sake woman, you are not ninety three!” Jack gave her a final warning. So she disappeared into the bathroom once more.

The agreement was black wet skinny look jeans with her black heels, that both combined to give her THE longest legs, then a lacy black top that clung to her curves. She felt self conscious, but the two men sat there grinning like Cheshire cats, Jack ran a boutique, he KNEW ladies’ fashion. With a sigh she succumbed, she had no choice.

It was a cold March evening, and Soho was packed, which meant they had to queue to get into any of the decent places.

                “Wish you’d let me at least bring a coat!” She murmured as she tried to keep warm, rubbing her almost bare arms.

Jack wrapped her in a bear hug, “it’ll work, you’ll see.” Nudging her arm he nodded towards a group of men who were already eyeing up her rather cold body.

Shaking her head she leaned into him, “what the hell have I got myself into?”

Half an hour later she was warm...hot in fact. Jack knew the barman, so they’d had instant drinks, and they were now dancing to nineties dance tunes they were both starting to perspire. But if there’s one thing Jack loved, it was dancing, so he was unrelenting.

Three drinks later she was desperate for a rest.

                “Can we go somewhere quieter? I could do with a rest. You try dancing in these heels!”

He laughed, “that makes you think I never have?”

Then it was her turn to giggle, “there is NOTHING I wouldn’t believe of you Jack.”

The cold air was once again a shock, but they moved on to several different pubs and laughed like they hadn’t in ages. Ironically Jack seemed to appeal to the men they met more than Martha, but she wasn’t interested anyway. She just wanted to laugh, dance and drink her troubles away.

And Jack was perfect for that. In the forth pub, he hoisted himself onto the bar and danced Coyote Ugly style. He obviously knew the bar staff as they aided his show by pouring various shots into his mouth whenever he got that low.

Martha could barely stand for laughing, and as she crumpled in half holding her painful ribs, a voice appeared next to her.

                “You with him?”

She looked up to see a clean cut man, in a dark well cut suit, blond hair and piercing blue eyes, “we’re painting the town red together...or rather he is!”

The man nodded, “he’s wild.”

Laughing she cleared her drink, “you’re not wrong. He promised to cheer me up, and he has done exactly that.”

He digested that for a moment, “not a good day for you?”

She shrugged, “you know how life is.”

That made him laugh, “don’t I just. I’m Tim.”

She smiled, “Martha.” As they shook hands she smiled at him, he was nice, in a kind of chatting to a friend kind of way, but she was no way ready for anything more.

                “Let me get you a drink.”

It was a statement, not a question, and as she made to protest he wouldn’t hear of it.  “I’m kind of mixed up Tim, bad split, hence the needing cheering up.”

He held up his left hand and she could see the pale mark where a wedding bad would’ve been, “me too. But it’s not often I really fancy a chat with a beautiful woman, ok?”

She gave a nod then waited for him to buy her a drink; Jack winked at her then sidled off in the opposite direction, leaving her alone.

And he was right, chatting, flirting and drinking with a complete stranger was fun, she relaxed, eased up and for a moment forgot the purgatory of her life.

                “So you’re just visiting London?” he asked watching her intently.

She nodded, “I run a pub, in a village about ninety minutes away. It’s hectic...I needed this break.”

                “But you know London well?”

She nodded again, then explained how she had lived in the City and worked for Jack. “What about you?”

Groaning he covered his eyes, “accountant. Does it get any more boring than that?”

Laughing she finished her drink, “apparently not. Let me buy you another?”

He glanced at his watch, “I’m with a few guys...” he gestured towards a rowdy group. “We’re meant to be going soon.”

She nudged him, “one drink! Make it a shot?”

                “Ok, I’ll take a vodka tonic.”

Smiling she dispatched to get the drinks.

When she returned it seemed that the group had found Tim, and as they saw her approach patted him enthusiastically on the back and made a few lewd but really inoffensive comments.  She chuckled as she handed him what they deemed a “girly drink.”

                “Sorry that we’re rushing off, it was fun.”

Martha smiled, “you were just what I needed.”

He laughed at that, “you two.”  

                “Come on then you guys!” A further man shouted from behind and Martha whipped around at the sound of the voice.

                “JAMES!” She squealed as her friend stood before her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

His mouth dropped in surprise, “could ask you the same Martha! Of all the pubs to walk into, hey?”

With that he pulled her into his arms in a death grip hug. Martha smiled at the coincidence; it was so good to see a familiar face. It wasn’t until that moment that Martha’s brain jumped a few steps ahead to James...his sister...Sonny...his baby. She swallowed awkwardly and then pulled back to see James look as awkward.

                “You ok?” She asked, desperate to avoid any conversation that might throw up those names.

He nodded, “yep. Good. Should have done this years ago. Not that I didn’t enjoy running the pub.”

Martha laughed, “it’s an unforgiving job and yet looks so easy.”

James smiled sadly, “it is exhausting. But a lot of fun, saying that you must be relieved to have Sonny back taking over the helm, lightening the load.”

That made her stop dead in her tracks. “What?”