Trying Not to Love You - Part Seventy Six

Chapter Seventy Six

Martha laughed as Ethan fell in the shallow surf. He was chasing Evie through the gentle waves and they kept tripping and splashing each other. It made her so happy to see him having so much fun. She was staying with Jack and Mike, but she had the “granny flat” in their villa, so she had time and space to herself, which at night was helpful as she didn’t sleep, so she could watch TV into the early hours, or pace the room, make hot milk...all the things she hoped would encourage sleep.

Ethan on the contrary was relaxed, happy and glowing. He loved the sun, the sea, the pool, the beach, it was one big dream come true to him. She’d brought Evie with them to the beach as the two men had things to do, Mike was buying more property out there and was organising something in the capital. So it left her to look out and watch the endless sea meeting the endless sky. Considering it being January she’d been told this was exceptionally good weather, and they were all making the most of it.

Home, the farm, her family and Sonny were problems in hundreds of miles away, but whilst she’d got physical distance from them, emotionally was a different matter. Her mind constantly churned from her father and Stephanie, her mother, and of course Sonny. All she wanted was calm, serenity, peace...for one night.

                “I can’t believe you’ve FINALLY brought me out for dinner!”

Sonny looked up from his menu and smiled at Jade. He’d given in to her demands to go on a date. He still want’ sure that this was the right thing, but since he’d turned up on her doorstep the previous week he’d felt calmer, managed to sleep, started to function again. She seemed to keep his demons at bay, and that helped him more than most things.

Not that he didn’t think of Martha. He’d brought Jade to Northbury to an Indian restaurant because he’d taken Martha to the one more local. He couldn’t bring himself to revisit there with Jade.

                “I just want some dry chicken...and maybe some of your rice?”

Her words dragged him from his daydreams, “what?”

She laughed, “aren’t you listening to me?” When he shrugged she rolled her eyes, “I said it’s all so rich and calorific, I might just get some dry chicken...and steal a bit of rice.”

He was getting used to Jade’s food control issues, her body seemed to mean a lot to her and he rarely saw her eat much. Unlike Martha...damn, she was there again, smiling as she ordered half the menu then tucking into with fervour. But she’s not here! That was what he had to remind himself.

                “Have whatever you want. I’ll get some beer, you want that?”
She shook her head, “vodka tonic.”

With a nod he signalled the waiter and ordered for them both.

As they got back to the pub, they entered the bar. It wasn’t busy and Paul was comfortable and confident stood there in control. Sonny gave him a “thank you” wave, then cut through the bar, and upstairs. The place was empty and he opened a bottle of wine.

                “Can’t believe you’ve got that old bag staying with you. Talk about cramping our style.” As she ran her fingers down his chest in what she obviously felt was a seductive manner. He shook his head, “she’s not an old bag, Lucy’s a top lady, and don’t forget it. She’s staying here because I want her to.”

He turned away hating that he was so defensive. Then he felt Jade’s hands encircle his arms, her cheek resting on his shoulder blade, “sorry, it’s just that whole family makes me jealous. You lived with them...with her,” she spat the word out almost vindictively and he had to swallow his retort.

Turning slowly he stared at her, all wide eyed and anxious, the cocky over confident girl was definitely a transient thing. “Well I’m with you, I’ve made my choice, seems that you along with the rest of town have got to get used to that.”

She gave a beaming smiled at that, sliding her hands under his t-shirt as she did.   

                “So what are you plans?”

It had taken over a week to be able to tell Jack exactly what had happened, and it was a hell of a story.  But before they knew both he and Mike had been amazing, supporting her in every way, without expecting or demanding anything back. But she’d cooked them both dinner a couple of nights before she planned to leave for home, and over grilled fish and salad she told them all that had happened before she left.

                “Because as far as I see,” Jack continued, “there are two very different problems here. Your father...and your man.”

She couldn’t help the little smile that the thought of Sonny still brought, but then she thought back to her father, Steph, her mother and that smile disappeared.  “You’re right. I don’t know what to think of my father.”

He nodded, “it’s tricky. I mean he’s told lies to you for years, but then, he’s not a bad man, maybe there’s more to it than you know? You’re not someone to make rash decisions, are you?”

She sipped at her wine, “I honestly don’t know. I just feel like the rug has been pulled from under my feet and I have no idea how to keep functioning, the thought of talking to him scares me, REALLY scares me. I don’t know how to deal with it, and I find it really daunting.”

Mike placed an arm around her shoulder, “but it’s not going to go away.”

                “And it would be better and much easier to manage with a devoted man on your arm supporting you,” Jack added.

Martha sighed, dropping back into her chair, “it’s so complicated.”

Jack laughed, “life, and more importantly love IS. Worthwhile things are worth fighting for, and love is a compromise.”

                “I can’t give him children Jack; he’s desperate for family, desperate for a future.”

Mike leaned forward, “and you aren’t that? A future?”

                “He has huge issues with his father, being a father is everything to him.”

Jack sighed, “I think the guy is just unloved, and he’s found that with you. If he loves you the kids are optional, an extra. Plus he’s got Ethan - a step son AND nephew in one. He’s got the lot with you Martha, and if he wants you then don’t think about the ifs and buts. Otherwise you have to start looking at yourself, is it you that’s scared to commit?”

She contemplated that for a moment, “what do you mean?”

Mike sighed, “you picked Ethan’s dad, he was a bastard, you didn’t find out until you were sucked in, engaged. Maybe you’re a little bit nervous about losing your heart to him again?”

They were so honest that she couldn’t feel offended, “when did you get so into feelings?”

Jack laughed, “it’s a gay thing. And nice subject change.”

When she smiled he added, “if the thought of him makes you blush, then I think you’re crazy not to at least speak to him, see where it goes.”

She sat back and looked at them both sitting there, neither had a point to prove or wanted to hurt her, they spoke genuinely and honestly. Were they right? Was she blocking this? Was she looking for excuses to protect her own heart? It was hardly a better option, her heart pained every minute of every day that she was without him, and her pain was nearly all down to him, to missing Sonny, to not having him in her life.

Turning to the two men she smiled, “I think I need to go home.”

Lucy had drunk too much sherry sat at the bar and had started to snap at Jade. That spelled danger. He had barely kept the two women separate, let alone stopped them sniping at each other. Now as he watched Jade get ruffled by comments from the older woman he hid a smile, Lucy was crazy, he’d enjoyed her staying with him the last ten days. She was no better at cooking than him, and she left her shoes, bags and coats all over the place.

But she kept herself to herself when the time was right, but loved to gossip over a cup of tea or like tonight a few glasses of sherry, and she was both astute and knowledgeable, something that wasn’t obvious on first meeting her.

Sonny moved along the bar to stand in front of her, “you behaving Miss?”

She batted her eyelashes in an innocent fashion then gave a tipsy giggle, “some people are a little bit over sensitive.”

He rolled his eyes, “you are trouble madam. Do I have to bar you to upstairs?”

She shook her head, “no, but I’d tell her to learn some manners.”

Smiling he walked away shaking his head, his life was definitely a better place with her in it.

                “She’s a bitch!”

Sonny looked up at Jade and laughed, she was scowling like a child.

                “She’s a seventy five year old woman, have a little respect.” Despite the serious words, he smiled as he said them. And it caused her to scowl again. “Jade, she’s just winding you up...and YOU wind her up too. You just hate it because she gives as good as she gets.”

Like a sullen child she lowered her eyes, but when she looked up she was anything but, “can’t you get rid of her tonight? We could...” She ran her tongue over her lips then looked at him in her most sultry way.

                “So you don’t still want to go to Northbury?”

Earlier in the day she’d begged him to take him to a nightclub to meet friends.

She cocked her head to the side, “you’d rather drink and dance than...um...” She gestured her head upwards in the general direction of his bedroom.

                “You’ve got a one track mind young lady.”

She laughed, “you are VERY good, and I just love learning more!”

That made him laugh out loud, “crazy witch.”

Grinning she ran her fingers over her chest provocatively, “crazy for you!”

Much later he sat up in bed, looking at Jade stretched out next to him, fast asleep. He was finally happy, after so many years. He had a home, a business, a family including his father, and a woman who loved him. She’d told him that an hour earlier, at the height of passion he’d heard the words escape her lips. Fortunately the moment didn’t allow for an awkward silence, because he wasn’t about to say the same to her, he was only beginning to understand what love meant, and he knew that whilst he cared for her, he was nowhere near feeling the way he did about Martha.  Move on, because SHE has.

Groaning he slid down the bed and was rewarded with Jade wrapping herself around him, sighing he reciprocated her kiss.

                “Sleeping Beauty not surfaced yet?”

Sonny groaned as he entered the almost arctic kitchen. Lucy was sat at the kitchen table with a mug or tea and a half smoked cigarette, since he’d stopped smoking Sonny wasn’t happy with her smoking in his home, the wide open window was their compromise. Moving to the sink Sonny filled the coffee pot then started it up.

                “Are you going to start where you left off last night?”

Lucy’s eyes twinkled, “she’s wrong for you Sonny and I’ll keep reminding you of that until you give her up.” When he made to protest she held up a hand to silence her, “you may believe that Martha isn’t the answer, but you’re better off alone than with her. You don’t love her.”

                “She’s a nice girl, she loves me, and I do care about her.”

Lucy took a long slow drag on her cigarette then smiled, “and is that enough? For life?”

With a groan of frustration he slammed the counter with his fist, “bloody hell Lucy, sometimes I hate you.”

A banging downstairs told him that the delivery from the brewery had arrived, so he glared at her for a moment before with a shake of the head he headed downstairs.

Several barrels and crates of bottles later and the cellar was almost restocked. He was rolling the barrels into rows when he heard footsteps behind him.

                “No room for anymore in here Steve,” he called over his shoulder, “I think I’ve over ordered as it is.”

                “Is that a fact?”

Sonny froze at that voice, Martha. For a moment his heart burst out of his chest, as he turned to drink in the sight of her, she threw herself into his arms. He held her close inhaling the smell, absorbing the feel of her for those few seconds before reality sunk in. Then he pushed her to arm’s length.

                “I missed you.” She offered with a smile.

Sighing he gave a half smile, “well I wish you’d have called...or something.” He tried desperately to hide how hurt he felt.

As he turned to walk out of the cellar, Jade, dressed in just a towel burst in, “the boy’s turned up...upstairs...”

The two sets of eyes looked up at her and Martha smiled, “Jade, Ethan’s with me. Just called in to say hello.”

And with that she was gone.