Trying Not to Love You - Part Eighty Two

Chapter Eighty Two

                “So how did it go?”

Martha was sat opposite Ethan in McDonald's as he devoured a Happy Meal when her phone buzzed. Trust Sonny to presume that she’d taken his rather firm advice and gone to see her father. She sipped at her milkshake before replying.

                “He was out, argued with Steph instead. Not ready to deal with it...better issues to manage.”

She could almost hear him laughing in his reply text, “That’s what I am? An issue?”

                “You’re a problem Carter, that’s no lie. :)”

 The addition of a smiley face would make him laugh she knew.

                “Mum, can we go see Granddad? I want to feed the chickens.”

She shook her head, “not tonight, this was your treat, we’ve got to get you in the bath and then bed, you’ve got school again tomorrow.”

He groaned, “but I want to see the chickens.”

                “Why don’t I ask Granddad if you can stay over one night on the weekend? Then you can feed them and see the dogs.”

He nodded enthusiastically, “great!”

The flat was empty when they got back, but with music playing - Ethan’s choice some random pop song that he knew every word to and sang at the top of his voice from the bath, they got prepared for the following day. Aunt Lucy had gone out, a bingo night. She normally got back around nine, if Ethan was asleep and there was a glass of sherry for her, her Aunt would be more than happy to baby sit, and she could sneak off to see Sonny...and she was counting down to that.  Suddenly that was all that the evening was, a countdown.

After three reads of the Gruffalo Ethan had fallen asleep. Martha made herself a hot chocolate and settled in front of the TV, soaps and a girly mag to absorb her attention. But it didn’t work. Her mind was racing, overactive, thinking about all that was to come.

A knock at the door distracted her, it was eight o’clock. Too early for Lucy, who had a key, and unlikely to be Sonny, he wasn’t about to start showing up here, not until he’d cleared things with Jade and he hadn’t had time for that yet. It left her father...

Descending the stairs she opened the door to see Helen on the doorstep with a bottle of wine in her hand, “Happy Housewarming!”

Martha smiled, “Helen!”

Anything was better than her father at that moment. She reciprocated the hug, but all the time could feel her plans slip between her fingers out of control. She gave Helen a brief tour of the flat then sat beside her on the sofa as she opened the bottle. Lounging back in the chair she had no choice but to relax in her friends’ company, the relationship with Sonny was still and illicit affair, and something she couldn’t acknowledge, so she could do little else.

As Helen seemed to bed in for the night Martha disappeared to the kitchen to provide nibbles. It was the first opportunity she had to check her phone.

                “Need you NOW. Mine?” That was half an hour ago. “Don’t make me work for it, M? “ came fifteen minutes ago, and then a desperate, “I am about to explode with the need to see you. Paul’s looking after the bar. Come to me?”

The last few words made her toes tingle. She’d do anything for him, she just had to subtly end things with Helen, then locate Lucy - her potential babysitter.

                “Got visitor, and waiting for Lucy. In my mind already there with you, xxx”

The response was, “PHEW - you’re alive, ARGH - you’re not with me. Dying slowly.”

She was still chuckling when she brought the bag of kettle chips into the lounge.

                “What’s funny?” Helen asked with a smile.

She wanted to laugh and tell her ‘the man of my dreams loves me to distraction’, but secrets never stayed that way if they were shared. Doing the right thing this time was all important. So she shrugged, “just thinking about Ethan earlier. He can be really funny.”

Lucy came back forty minutes later, and by then Martha was feeling like a caged rat. Lucy was a little bristly, and marched out to the kitchen. Martha apologised then followed her out there.

                “You ok?”

She shrugged, “went to the pub and THEY were there...together.”

                “Who?”

                “Carl and Stephanie of course, love’s OLD dream. Made me want to throw up in her lap.”

Martha smiled then gave Lucy a hug, “I went to the house today, tried to speak to him, but only she was there. I just shouted at her and left. I don’t feel that proud of myself now that I’ve let things calm down.”

                “PFFT!” She exclaimed, “I bet you were far too easy on her, the bitch.” Reaching in the kitchen cupboard she pulled out the bottle of sherry Martha had bought earlier and poured a measure.

                “Don’t let it bring you down,” she insisted. “You’re better than all that.”

Lucy shook her head, “I’m going to have a bath. It might make me feel clean again.”

When Martha re-entered the lounge Helen was pulling on her coat, “you’ve got enough on your plate, and I promised to meet my sister at the pub. I thought it’d be shit there now that he’s running it.” Helen suddenly remembered that Martha was close to Sonny and added, “not that it was fantastic before. But that Jade is there all the time annoying everyone. He’s stalking around all moody and angry...”

Martha rolled her eyes, “you KNOW I’m close to Sonny, and if he’s that bad why the hell are you rushing to spend your evening lining his pockets.” Helen looked stunned, but Martha was unrelenting, “you’ve never wanted to give him a chance, and I don’t understand why.”

Helen floundered for a moment, previously Martha had accused her of being jealous, envious that he’d never chased her, maybe that was the truth.

                “He drove James away...”

Suddenly Martha felt a penny drop rather loudly, “Sonny didn’t, really he didn’t. My father was behind buying the pub, it was never Sonny’s idea. And if you like James that much...why don’t you go find him? You only live once...and time waits for no one, to quote the clichés.”

Helen sighed, “he’s not interested, he only ever had eyes for you.”

                “James? Don’t be ridiculous. We’ve never been anything more than friends.”

                “That’s not what he wanted.”

Martha shook her head, “I think you’re wrong. Go see him, what have you got to lose?”

                “Can I sneak out?” Martha called through the closed bathroom door.

Lucy laughed, she could hear that, “where you going?”

Martha crossed her fingers, he knew that Lucy had a good idea what was happening, but she didn’t want to admit things yet, “fresh air, maybe a glass of wine...”

                “Go...but I want the truth when you come home.”

Martha rolled her eyes then offered a “thank you Lucy, you’re a star.”

The pub was busy, she wasn’t expecting that. From outside she could see Helen with half a dozen others, stood at the bar laughing, Paul was serving them drinks. Her father and Stephanie were in the corner alone. From her position she saw the door to the living quarters that was next to the bar. She had to dive in there without seeing anyone. Suddenly she felt like a spy trying to infiltrate enemy lines. Fortunately there was no sign of Jade, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t upstairs with Sonny. She paused for a moment, how would she deal with confronting that? Then she shook her head, if Jade was there it would only be whilst Sonny told her it was over between them, and the sooner that happened the better. She trusted him.

Dropping her head, she stepped into the pub, kept her head lowered and rushed to the door to Sonny’s home, fortunately it was left ajar, hopefully purposely for her. Closing the door so that it locked shut she paused for a moment to lean against it and regain her breath, still her tracing heart.

She’d not climbed more than five steps when Sonny appeared at the top of the stairs; he was wearing a pair of jogging bottoms but no top, that was in his hands and he quickly pulled it on. She sighed with relief; she was desperate to see him, and even more desperate to touch him.

                “Martha,” her name was a breath as he sighed on seeing her.

She ran up the remaining steps coming to a halt in front of him, his mouth curled into a smile, “I have been thinking of you all day.”

Her response of “me too,” was lost as his lips found hers. His hands pulled her mouth to his and claimed her in a kiss that was as devastating as it was passionate, she was a mess in his arms before he pulled back to murmur, “missed you.”

She eventually managed to drag her mouth from him and smile, “I love you.”

He grinned, “I can tell.” Giving him a slap to the shoulder she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him once more. “Did you lock the door behind you?”

When she nodded he smiled, “good.”

                “Did you see Jade?” She asked as he led her into the lounge, when they finally had their fill of re-acquaintance kisses. He shook his head turning to her, “she’s normally here most of the day. I don’t want to call her and give her the wrong idea, but I can’t do this secrecy much longer. And I can’t spend another day without you.”

She smiled, “it was a long hard day for me too.”

He sat and pulled her down beside him, “tell me about your father.”

As he opened a bottle of wine she told him about her argument with Steph and then the almost falling out with Helen.

                “She’s right, he proper had the hots for you, you have NO idea how often I wound James up about that.” He laughed, “sorry, but it was hilarious.”

She swatted at him, “you’re incorrigible. So how was the golf day?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, “Michael wants me to join him on the range start hitting some balls. It’s not my thing...”

                “But?” She prompted him.

                “But, I do want to spend more time with him, and the more I spend, the more I realise that the man he was after Scott wasn’t a true reflection.”

She nodded, “he was always good to me, and he didn’t have to be, that was why I was so angry when he tried to interfere with us.” She stroked Sonny’s cheek, “but then he was grieving, I can’t imagine life without Ethan.”

He sighed, “I’m sure.”

It was a sad moment and she turned to him, “are you sure you can sacrifice that? Cope with never having your own child?”

He shrugged, “I want you more than I want a child, I need you...I can’t function without you. Are you sure about it?”

                “That I can’t have kids?” She nodded, “when Scott...” she didn’t say the word rape, neither of them needed to hear that, the suggestion was enough. “Well he damaged me, it meant I had problems delivering Ethan, and that led to a terrible infection.  Nothing seemed to help it and I was really unwell. Straight away they told me there was virtually no chance of me having another child.”

                “Virtually? That’s not a complete no.”

The pain of his desperation almost killed her, “it is Sonny; they gave me a less than one percent chance. I can’t have another child, I can’t give you that, and you have to think about that before things go any further.”

He sighed, “when you escaped to Tenerife it was all I thought about. And yes, I want kids, but YOU, you are my family, you and Ethan are more than enough.”

She gave a half smile and he added, “don’t you believe me?”

Nodding she gave a sniff, “I just wish things were different.”

He shook his head, “things were different, and it killed us. I just need to tell Jade that I’ve moved on, then we can be together, and fuck anyone who has an opinion.”

She smiled at that, genuinely this time, “sounds good.”

Nodding in the direction of his bedroom he grinned, “not as good as me taking you next door...” Grabbing her hand he pulled her to her feet, “what do you say?”

Laughing she allowed him to drag her into the hallway when Paul’s voice disturbed them shouting up the stairs from the bar, “Sonny, you there? The bitter has run out.”

                “Thought you locked the door!” Sonny gave her a wicked grin.

                “I did!” Martha was indignant. She knew she’d locked it. Didn’t she?

He laughed as he shook his head, “while I change this barrel I’ll think of a suitable punishment...” Swatting at her backside he pushed her in the direction of his bedroom.

Sonny changed the barrel and checked the fridges too, then went back to Paul. “I’m going back upstairs, got a lot to sort out.”

Paul nodded, “Jade was looking for you earlier. I told her you were out...I know you said you didn’t want to be disturbed. Presume that meant everyone.”

Sonny patted Paul on the back, “good job, I knew poaching you was my best move.”

Paul laughed, “Martha’s you mean.”

Sonny thought of the woman who was hopefully waiting for him in his bedroom and grinned, “she can get the credit for that.” She can get the credit for SO many things. He sighed, but it was a release of tension, not a response to frustration. Turning towards the door that led him back upstairs, he only stopped when Paul added.

                “She left you a note, Jade.” He handed him a folded piece of paper.

Sonny groaned that moment of pleasure rapidly disappearing, taking the paper he thanked Paul, then headed to the stairs. When he got to the bottom step he opened it, reading the childish scrawl.

                “Tried to find you, James is ill...got to go to London to look after him. Will call you when I get chance, may be a while.”

 A hand written note! He thought to himself as he crumpled it up into a ball, who the hell wrote letters these days. She could just as easily have text him.

Shaking his head he locked the door to the flat and bolted it from the inside, there was no way anyone was disturbing them again. With a smile, Jade forgotten he sprinted up the stairs.