Trying Not to Love You - Part Ninety Seven

Chapter Ninety Seven

Martha closed the bedroom door behind her and sighed. That had been such a hard conversation. She had never seen Lucy cry, but the older woman was in tears as she told Martha how terrified she was.

                “I can’t see him; I was young when I last saw him...now I’m jaded, old...”

Martha had smiled, “he’s aged too. He was really keen to see you; he called me just this week. He told me he’s never stopped thinking about you.”

Lucy dropped her head, “I’m not who I was.”

Martha sat next to her, glad that she was finally talking to her, and suddenly realising how scared her aunt was, how anxious and fearful, fearful that he would reject her again, and Martha understood that, more than most, “it’s normal to be nervous, scared...I was scared going over Sonny, and he’d only been gone for a couple of months. It’s hard to put your heart on the line. That’s why you’ve never married Lucy, because that would involve letting that heart up for hurt again. You told me the other week that losing Henry almost killed you, that it changed you.” Lucy looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “I know how that feels. Why do you think I’ve pushed Sonny away so much? The last man before him...” She shuddered, “let’s just say I never thought I’d love again. But if you don’t try you’ll never know.”

Lucy stood and paced the room for a moment, “so you’re the expert now?”

Martha leaned back in the chair and smiled, “don’t make it about me here, but if you’re pointing fingers, then YES, I almost lost Sonny SO many times, and it took a short sharp reality to check to realise that I was pushing him away. Yes I was scared. I didn’t think I’d trust someone ever again.” She sighed, “but this isn’t about you falling into something with Henry, he’s man as haunted by the past as you. He wants to see you talk to you; tell you that he regretted leaving you. A lot of time has passed, he’s not proposing marriage, he just wants to see you.”

                “You think I should go.” It was a statement not a question and made Martha smile.

                “I think you should do what you want to do, but based on rational thought NOT fear.”

Lucy sighed, “I’m still angry you went behind my back.”

Martha nodded, “maybe it was easier to be distracted from my own torment by concentrating on you. So I’m sorry for that part of things, I really am. But not about getting you to confront what you feel about it.”

Lucy stared at her for a moment from hooded eyes, “I’m not all sweetness and smiles over this.”

She laughed, “Aunt Lucy, you are NEVER all sweetness and smiles!”

And the two had parted on that snippet of humour. Now as she stood looking at a sleeping Sonny, head on the pillow, dark lashes fanned over his cheeks, the hint of stubble on his jaw, her heart soared, whatever happened, whatever was said, she loved the man in her bed, and with him in her life she could deal with anything.

For the rest of the week they were all busy, Lucy wouldn’t make a decision on Henry, Sonny wouldn’t make a decision over Michael, so Martha buried herself in decorating the rooms at the pub. She couldn’t really work there until they lived there. So she had a huge incentive for her mission, plus as soon as they were living in the building, they would spend more time together generally, as a family. And that was what she wanted, more than anything.

Henry called her on Friday afternoon.

                “Will she meet me? I’m passing tomorrow.”

Martha sighed, “she’s scared...”

That made Henry laugh, “I know exactly how she feels...I was dapper, young...and I’m told handsome fifty years ago, but now I’m a pensioner. An old man. I have a balding head, a paunch; I need glasses to read the newspaper, and different ones to drive my car. I used to be athletic, but now I need a replacement knee. Old age isn’t kind. But that’s nothing that anyone can fight...or hide from. Will you tell her I promised...that when we were old and grey I’d take her somewhere? She’ll know where, and tell her I don’t want to lose out on that, a promise is a promise. Tell her that?”

Martha smiled at how sweet that was, “I will. I’ll call you once I’ve spoken to her.”

Lucy was doing the laundry, something Martha had never seen her do before. Leaning on the doorframe, she watched the older woman for a while, eventually she looked up.

                “What?”

Martha smiled, “just wishing that you had difficult decisions to make more often, I could take a few days off.” That was met by a scowl. “Made any decisions?”

Lucy shook her head, the scowl still in place, “what’s the rush? I have a lot to think about.” Martha gave a knowing nod. “What?”

Martha smiled, “he called me today. Will be near tomorrow. He really wants to meet you.”

Lucy shook her head, looking at the floor, “it’s too soon...I’m not ready.”

Placing a hand on her arm Martha sighed, “he said to tell you he made you a promise, for when you were both old...he wants to see you good on that.”

Lucy slumped down the wall, ending up on a heap on the floor. Martha rushed to squat beside her, but soon realised it was shock and not illness that had caused her legs to give way. Looking up she saw tears welling in the eyes of her aunt. “He said that?” she asked with a quiet, shaky voice. “Really?”

Martha nodded, “said to tell you he hadn’t forgotten.”

She dropped her eyes for a moment, then when she looked up she seemed to have glazed over, disappeared into the past. “My father hated the thought of us being together. We managed to see each other a lot, but it was all based on lies. We planned to run away, but I was too scared.” She laughed in a self deprecating way, “there was a festival in town, everyone was there, stalls, rides...we sat in the dark holding hands watching everyone being happy. But we were hiding. Henry squeezed my hand and said he’d show everyone one day, that he’d make me feel proud. When we were older, happy, settled, whatever happened, he’d take me back to town, buy me lunch, somewhere public, then order champagne in the pub, as we drank it he was going to stand on his chair and tell EVERYONE how wonderful I was.” She laughed, “it doesn’t sound dramatic now, but back then, it was so extravagant, so ‘out there’, and it was perfect. I wanted that so badly...then I backed out, got scared...let him go.”

Martha smiled, “he wants to see you, more than anything. Don’t reject him again, don’t get scared this time. Please?”

Martha stood behind the bar next to Sonny, his hand at the small of his back warm and supportive. He was talking to Eamonn who’d called into discuss an upcoming poker game. But even through that he sensed Martha’s tension.

                “She’s a big girl!” He leaned to whisper in her ear, his words a caress to her heightened nerves. “You need to relax ‘Mum’!”

She looked up at him, “she was so nervous...this failing could really hurt her.”

He nodded, “but if it works out, then this could change everything for her. She deserves some happiness, she’s lived a half life for years, this is her brave moment. Relax.”

Since she’d driven Lucy to the park where the two had arranged their rendezvous, she’d been on edge. She needed to know what was happening, and the suspense was killing her.

                “Do you want me to take an hour off? Take you home?”

He gave an eyebrow waggle as he said it and the innuendo made her smile, “Ethan will be home soon, so that offer is rather lame!”

Grinning he slid his hand down to cup her bottom, then gave it a squeeze, “but he’s staying with your Dad tonight?”

She nodded, “and I’m helping you out behind this here bar.”

Sonny leaned in close again and whispered, “who knows when I’ll need help changing a barrel.”

Three hours later with Ethan dispatched off to her father’s for a sleep over, there was still no sign of Lucy. Martha was worried, hoping that all had gone well. Suddenly she’d trusted her aunt with a man she herself had connected to via the internet. He could be a convicted murderer masquerading as a friendly pensioner. Then she shook herself, her aunt was in her seventies, she was responsible for her own actions.

And then the crowds started to flood in, there was a big football match on TV, plus it was a warm late March evening, and that seemed to encourage people out for a pre Easter drink. Being busy didn’t give her that much time to think.

As with the restaurant, they worked well together, and whilst it was busy, they had time to chat, catch little glimpses, share those moments when their eyes met and everyone else was oblivious. It was after ten when the door to the pub opened and Lucy stepped in, accompanied by Henry. When she’d first met him Martha had thought that he seemed older than Lucy, a little traditional, old fashioned maybe. But tonight he was wearing jeans and a pale sweater, and he looked much younger, and the two of them looked happy, united, friendly. As they approached the bar she nudged Sonny.

He looked up and grinned, “well if isn’t the dirty stop out! Where the hell have you been young lady?” Despite the chastising nature of his words, he was grinning at the couple. “Sonny Carter.” He held out his hand to Henry, who accepted it. “The official bane of Lucy’s life, hey?”

Henry laughed, “Henry Walton. I have heard a lot about you.”

Sonny waved a hand, “that I do not need to hear. Now let me get you both a drink.”

Martha leaned across the bar to her aunt, “you ok?”

For the first time since she walked into the bar, she smiled, “better than. I’ve had such a wonderful day of catching up, reminiscing. He’s...just the same!”

Smiling Martha squeezed her hands, “I’m SO glad. Now go sit down, I’ll bring your drinks over.”

                “Let’s go to Northfield, a few drinks, a dance...maybe a curry? Let’s have some fun.”

She eyed the smiling Sonny suspiciously, “what?”

They’d just finished locking up the bar, normally he restocked ready for the morning, but tonight he wanted to take his lady out.

                “As much as I like spending time with you...it’s almost midnight.”

He held his hands up in surrender, “ok, ok. I want to take you dancing...more than anything, but the added bonus is we’re not rushing back to the flat...Henry is staying over, as they’ve had a few drinks. He’s sleeping in Ethan’s bed. Apparently.”

Martha stared at him aware that her mouth was open; her lips recoiled in what was that? Disgust?

                “Call a taxi, I’ll just find my bag.”

He was still laughing when she reappeared five minutes later.

They had danced, drank champagne like weekend millionaires, then hid down a dark alleyway, where Sonny made good on the promises he’d been making all evening. When they got back to the flat they were tipsy and tired, and the place was deadly quiet, but they’d had a wonderful carefree night. So they snuck into the bedroom, diving under the duvet to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Sonny woke first, Martha’s breath was a soft caress on his shoulder, he looked at her with a smile, there was something so rewarding about waking with her in the mornings, each time he opened his eyes his heart surged with pleasure at the sight of her.  He reached for his watch on the bedside table and saw that it was just before eight. They’d got in about four, so he was in no rush to surface yet. Then he could hear voices, movement in the lounge. Not something he was keen to deal with yet.

So pulling Martha closer, he pulled the duvet over his head and closed his eyes once more.

“So how did it go?” Martha had a thick head from the sambucca they’d drunk after the champagne. It couldn’t have been the champagne, that wouldn’t make sense! She was watching Lucy washing dishes at the sink when she emerged from her room at half past nine. Sonny was still snoring, so she left him to his sleep.

Lucy looked up and smiled, “it was amazing, just like stripping back the years. Within half an hour we were talking like we always had. I mean I don’t know what that means for the future, he wants me to meet his family...”

Martha grinned, Lucy was like a teenager in the first flush of love, it was so endearing. 

                “You made plans to see him again?”

Lucy nodded and explained how he wanted her to meet his family.

                “So what about you two? You had a late night. Good time?” When Martha nodded, gave a smile Lucy added, “so what have you got planned for today?”

Martha grimaced, “taking Ethan for lunch at Michael’s.”

                “Ah.” No more was needed. Lucy was well aware of Sonny’s reluctance to speak to his father. “Good luck.”

By the time Sonny appeared they’d had several cups of tea for Lucy and coffee for Martha as the older woman told her stories and anecdotes from the previous day.

                “You two seem cosy!”

Martha smiled, “I’m just hearing all the gossip...you missed out!”

He made for the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, “how will I live now?”

Lucy grinned, “you’ll work it out! Now I’m supposed to be going to lunch with my dance buddies, I’ll see you later?”

Martha nodded then shook her head in wonder as her aunt almost skipped out of the flat.

                “What you got planned for today?”

Smiling and leaning back in her chair, Martha looked at him for moment, “Michael has invited us to lunch.” Watching his face twist into a scowl she sighed, “he’s Ethan’s grandfather, they want to see each other.”

He didn’t reply but his face was filled with so many emotions.

                “Carter, won’t you come with us, hasn’t this gone on long enough?”

He shook his head, “why do you have to control everything? Force the issue?”

She sighed, “listen to yourself. He hasn’t had the chance to explain anything to you, he deserves that. You need to get over this stubborn streak.”

She hated that the mere mention of his father seemed to throw their relationship up in the air.

                “I don’t want to talk to him, and that is MY decision. Why have you got to sour everything that’s good between us? We had fun, such a good night...and now this?”

Martha groaned, then stood up, he was so stubborn, for almost two weeks he’d ignored the man who was his father, he hadn’t given him a chance. It was the only white elephant left in her life. She didn’t want the complication; she wanted happiness, simplicity, and a family. Then she moved towards the bedroom door, “I’m going to get dressed, I need to collect Ethan, we’ll come to the pub before we go there.”

She didn’t say the words in case you change your mind, but they both knew that was what she meant.